Part Two: Permeating(5)

Translated by Gina
Edited by Tea

It was a few days after that.

When even the quietly shining moonlight and the fluttering wind had fallen asleep, only the stillness of the breaking dawn remained. Lilian’s bedroom door opened quietly. A small squirrel peeped its head through the slightly opened gap.

 “Lillian.”

“…”

“Are you sleeping by any chance?”

“…”

Instead of answering, what came back was the sound of Lillian’s even breathing. Hadelion, after pondering for a moment, whispered, ‘Excuse me.’ and took a step in cautiously. He walked over to her, who was sleeping soundly on the bed.

“I haven’t been able to sleep so I came. Because you said I could…”

There was no reply. Hadelion, leaning on the bedside, looked at her, her small hand resting on her chin. His eyes were filled with only her. The breath he inhaled was full of her exhaled breath.

“Just a moment, I’ll go after a moment. I won’t do any nonsense. I know it’s rude to be next to you when you’re sleeping, but… I have a really hard time falling asleep today.”

The unheard voice continued muttering. The moon was exceptionally bright that night. He has been plagued by his mother’s ghost which has become clearer recently. He had come to Lillian because he was afraid to sleep. He was so scared a little while ago. Oddly enough, she seemed to be calming him down just by being next to him.

On top of the slightly lowered eyelashes, the subtle moonlight fell like flower dust.

“Mmm…”

She tossed and turned perhaps because of the hair that tickled her eyelids. He gently reached out his hand and brushed it away, whispering.

“You know what? It was the first time I thought that I wanted to recover my mana quickly.”

His gaze was captured by the woman’s soft, delicate lips, which were slightly opened. He recalled the words she had whispered through those fine lips. As if someone was casting a spell, the words were engraved deep in his heart, unable to be erased. Rather, it reminded him of a nightmare that had haunted him from a very young age. 20 years ago.

When his mother abandoned him, everyone rejoiced and celebrated the arrival of the new Archmage, who seems to come out once in a thousand years. But it was the beginning of hell for him.

“Because you were born as a dog of the royal family, be gentle and behave like a dog.”

Only because his mana potential was limitless, he was compelled to sacrifice for the sake of the Empire and the Imperial Family.

“Remember wisely. The day you become a dog that bites its master will be the day your head falls off.”

Through a ‘contract’ with the Imperial Family, he lived a thoroughly controlled life and lost his freedom.

“Your magical powers and that lowly body are not yours, but all belong to this great bloodline, the Oborduz. So don’t dream vainly.”

After that, except on special days, he was confined to the northern tower of the imperial family alone. 

A life in complete control.

He couldn’t even interact with people as he intended, and only rumors about him abound. It was another prison created by loneliness. 

As he recalled the memories he had laid at the bottom of his unconscious mind, he felt a tingling sensation around his ankle. He lowered his gaze calmly. Blue bruises were clearly visible on the thin ankles from being shackled for a long time.

“Originally, I always thought that I didn’t want my mana to recover after this.”

“…”

“Then, the emperor’s interest in me would not diminish. Then maybe I’ll be a little freer. With that in mind, I prayed that my mana would be restored as late as possible.”

“…”

“But Lillian…”

Hadelion paused his speech for a moment and looked at her slumbering.

“I want to recover quickly.”

Blue flames flashed over his two eyes.

“I want to do it because of Lillian. I want to get back to my original form quickly and be with Lillian.”

The dark veil of night was filled with moonlight. The scattered silver dust flowed through the window into the room.

“Of course, I don’t know if Lillian will allow that…”

The subtle moonlight touched him and turned blue. As the bright blue mana was absorbed into every nook and cranny of his body, subtle changes appeared in his body.

“A bit.”

A bit higher than before. Looking at his slightly grown limbs, he muttered to himself.

‘I have… almost recovered.’

Looking down at his palm, he suddenly shifted his gaze to Lillian on the bed.

“Maybe, for the first and last time in my life, it’s okay for me to be a bit greedy?”

After that, his gaze stayed there for a long time and then disappeared.

*       *      *

The smell of freshly baked bread wafted down the hallway and into the room. The fragrant smell ran through the tip of my nose, driving me out of my morning sleep. Even though I had gone to bed early last night, my body felt heavier than usual.

I soon found out why.

“Hadel.”

It was because I had found Hadelion sleeping, leaning at an angle at the foot of the bed. I seemed to have been affected by his mana. I stared at him clasping my fingers tightly. He had only touched a finger all night but my body felt so heavy as if I had put a water-soaked cotton blanket over my shoulders.

‘When my strength is this weak, just touching it lightly like this is enough. What will happen to me if you find your original strength?’

My lowered eyelashes trembled slightly. I didn’t even dare to choose death on my own, so I’m determined to borrow strength from others. I was afraid because it seemed like it was going to become a reality soon. How amusing.

‘…Disgusting.’

A coward and a hypocrite. I didn’t like myself, selfish and self-centered, the exact opposite of ‘Hadel’s Girl.’

‘I wish I had the same personality as the female lead, Lucy. If so…’

Realizing my thoughts like that was uncomfortable. In my previous life, I chased the shadow of ‘my little sister,’ and now I’m chasing the shadow of ‘Lucy.’ Circumstances have changed, but I have remained the same. 

The illusion that I had fallen into an endless swamp from which I couldn’t get out dominated me. The more I struggle, the deeper I fall–

‘Because I… Because my existence is necessary for everyone to shine except me.’

The ‘discrimination’ that repeated over the years had finally mended my world as pleased.

“…you awake?”

Waking up sluggishly, Hadelion’s eyes widened suddenly.

“Lily…, Lillian. Are you alright?”

“What.”

“Your complexion doesn’t look good.”

You are the one who slept in an uncomfortable position.

He jumped up, touched my forehead, and frowned.

“You have a very bad fever. I’ll call the doctor.”

“It’s fine.”

“Lillian, this is not the time to be stubborn. You’re several times hotter than when you’re ill…”

“I said it’s fine. I’ll stay like this.”

Hadelion was unnecessarily kind since morning, so I couldn’t be rational.

“Come on.”

“Yes?”

With my eyes slightly crinkled as if saying “I’m off her arm.” I urged him. He suddenly sat down on the bed and looked at me with a very nervous expression on his face.

“Wha- what is it?”

“Like this.”

I embraced him without warning, I felt his body hardening in my arms.

“Li- Lillian. Wait- wait a minute. Too close…”

“Don’t nag me… my head is ringing.”

I held him tightly in my arms and rested my forehead on his shoulder. Even without looking at him, I could tell by the temperature I felt through the nape of my neck. Hadelion’s face must be bright red. 

Yeah, it was grumpy. Seeing him not knowing what to do, this time my mind, not my body, became as heavy as a wet cotton blanket. Amid my hazy mind due to the high fever, a genuine refusal flashed by.

‘I hope the original story never starts.’

Gradually, my body became heavy. 

Maybe it’s because I’m getting closer to him? Mana seems to be affected by emotional changes.

The stronger his heartbeat, the stronger the mana transmitted through Hadelion.

“Then please allow me to use magic.”

“What’s the magic for?”

“You’re too hot right now, Lillian.”

“You say you don’t like to use magic for other people.”

“Lillian is no other people.”

“Don’t spend mana needlessly.”

“It’s okay, I’ll just let the fever go down a bit, so I won’t consume that much.”

“It is said if wizards use up all their magical power, it will hurt to death.”

“Are you worried?”

“I’m drawing a line in advance because I’m afraid that you’re going to get sick and say it’s my fault.”

I said it deliberately bluntly, but he smiled as if he liked it. 

He really is a fool.

“Thank you for your concern, Lillian.”

“No worries.”

“It’s okay though. Because I have more mana than you think.”

“If anyone hears it, they think you’re an archmage.”

He faltered in surprise. Just as I turned my gaze away from him, who was taking a quick glance, I heard a knock outside the door.

“Lillian, you seem to be up, so I’ll go in.”

It was Archduke Grey who came in without warning. He found the two of us stuck together in bed and hardened.

“…”

“You have come.”

“What kind of situation is this? I think I need an explanation.”

I didn’t know Archduke Grey’s expression could be so frightening. He was always a person who spoke with infinite tenderness to me. However, the voice that seemed questioning Hadelion was as cold as ice.

“No, I don’t even need an explanation. I can’t stand it any longer…”

Archduke Grey was talking, but I couldn’t understand anything because I was getting dizzier and dizzier. 

As I passed out, I think a thought popped in my mind.

‘…When you find out that I’m a fake Lillian, you’ll treat me the same way.’

It felt like my heart was being pricked in cold ice. 

The strength in the arms holding Hadellion slowly loosened.

Before long, my mind sank into deep darkness.