Mental State
Translated by boilpoil
Edited by boilpoil
Jiang Shuangmei’s hand is frozen.
She almost thought, at that instant, that Mystic has seen through her guise known as ‘Liang Shuang,’ seen through the helpless, desperate Missiontaker who has lost her older sister, her only family.
The next second, though, she calms herself down immediately, asking with a completely neutral tone, “I have not, why?”
Mystic is silent for a moment before replying, “I thought I have not either.”
But…
Jiang Shuangmei is sure, that her next sentence will begin with a ‘but.’
But, Mystic does not continue speaking. She merely continues looking at Jiang Shuangmei with sad, almost pleading eyes. She looks deeply worried, anxious, and perhaps even, lost.
She might not even know what in the world she is… feeling right now.
She murmurs, “I wish I have not… I think…”
Jiang Shuangmei is looking at her with furrowed brows.
Speaking in riddles and disconnected phrases can be really annoying to listen to, even if Jiang Shuangmei thinks she can grasp what she’s getting at, but… honestly, she’s not interested in sympathising herself with Mystic.
In the end, no one can truly understand what Mystic is saying.
Finally, Mystic manages to produce a more coherent thought.
She tells her, “when I saw the photograph… I know they all say it’s how the Nightmares get to you. Tricks from the Server. But, I don’t think so.
What is strange is that I am so sure it was me. The person on the photograph, was me… It was a really strange feeling, a feeling I wouldn’t even feel if I was looking at myself in the mirror…”
Jiang Shuangmei impatiently cuts her off, “perhaps that is how the Server is trying to scare you using this Nightmare…”
“No!” Mystic yells out, but her voice immediately lowers back down as she explains, “I understand the feeling. When you look in the mirror, you can suspect it is actually something happening in another world. That is what you are doing in the other world inside the mirror. Perhaps, the other you would treat you as their mirror image in that world.
But this photograph is different. It feels like, a section of my life was frozen in there. It is a piece of my life, that is you… that is me…
And… the little girl. I feel like, she is my child. My child, who was lost in the Nightmares. But… is she really my child?”
Jiang Shuangmei isn’t interested in listening anymore.
Mystic is still blabbering on, but Jiang Shuangmei pushes open the door to the 31st floor all the same.
In fact, not just Jiang Shuangmei has lost her patience, but so have the viewers of the stream. They are speechless after hearing all the inexplicable nonsense from Mystic.
“a mystic’s a mystic”
Looking through the comments, Xü Beijin thinks, he actually knows what Mystic is trying to say.
… Though in a sense, he is glad that Mystic isn’t able to explain herself well, otherwise, his stream would face another ‘communication disruption’ like last time…
That’s how ruthlessly real it gets.
In fact, Xü Beijin wishes that Mystic would never be able to put her thoughts into words directly… Not just for his livestream’s sake, of course.
Because sometimes, there is no solace in knowing the truth. It only brings further despair.
… Xü Beijin smiles bitterly while supporting his chin.
Ha, he really is a… He’s the one who pushed indirectly for these Missiontakers to get into this Nightmare, for the purpose of allowing them, or at least, allowing ones like Fei and Wu Jian, who seek the truth, to find the truth.
Yet when the moment approaches, he is getting cold feet.
This Nightmare… Certainly, implies some truth. A real ‘truth.’
Though who could have predicted Mystic’s arrival here? When the photograph popped up, even Xü Beijin was in shock.
Is this what fate is? He made the lightest of pushes, and it spiralled into a result not even Xü Beijin himself was expecting at all.
His thoughts drift towards the Server, towards all the rumours in the Tower recently, towards how the bottom floor was a lifeless cesspool, towards how, according to Mu Jiashi, the higher floors are even more dead than the bottom floor…
He thinks, perhaps, it’s time.
Perhaps, it is finally the moment, when they, the humans trapped in the Tower, have reached their wits’ end.
Perhaps, it is finally the moment, when change is necessary.
Xü Beijin’s dark pupils point quietly at the video feed on his stream, but he is daydreaming; he always daydreams like this, and even the viewers have become used to this.
However, nobody could tell, that Xü Beijin is making a decision in his mind right now.
Not long ago, he made his first decision, the decision to push some Missiontakers towards this Nightmare, a decision to expose this Nightmare to the general Missiontakers’ community.
Now, he is considering a second decision.
The ‘truth’ in this Nightmare, as it stands, merely scratches the surface. It is the tip of the iceberg, even if it does carry significant implications. People like Fei and Wu Jian would clearly be able to glimpse a lot through this Nightmare.
However, this is still not at all related to how they entered the Tower.
So, if they want more of the truth, then they need to go into another Nightmare.
… A Nightmare not on the bottom floor of the Tower.
In fact…
Xü Beijin suddenly remembers his neighbour. The female Actor who returned from a higher floor to the bottom floor.
It is downright absurd. There has never been an Actor for whom the punishment was so severe they were sent back down floors. This is something that should never have happened. Due to the unique, more stringent circumstances facing the Actors, they would never be allowed to turn back around.
So why is it…
Xü Beijin’s eyes are glimmering. He has a guess, but before he can confirm it with his neighbour, it stays a mere theory.
Perhaps, after this Nightmare is over, it is time for him to pay a visit to the female Actor.
Before now, he never even thought of giving her any mind at all. He was entirely disinterested, you see.
Just like how he was similarly disinterested when he first acquired the streaming system.
… But now, it is the time for change.
He can even feel the air of life spread throughout the Tower. It is hot, passionate, and on its way to burn itself out.
Whatever the case, he is the one who has to make a choice. And even if he has isolated himself, spent so much time alone by himself, for so many years, is he really happy… just to keep rotting, decaying on the bottom floor until there was nothing left in the Tower?
He puts his hand to his chest, to ask for an answer, an answer from his years of solitude, from his months of sleepiness, from his endless days of tiredness.
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