Chapter 1: I’m the Lord? (Part 1)

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“…It’s time for you to wake up, my lord.”

“My lord?”

I thought I’d fallen into a very sweet deep sleep. 

Is that the reason why?

I ignored the feeling of someone shaking my body and swallowed the saliva in my mouth repeatedly.

I want to sleep some more. 

I really do.

However, a surprisingly rational thought came to mind.

Where did I last fall asleep?

“Agh, sh!t! I was working overtime at the office!” 

I shot up.

Clearly, I’d fallen asleep in my seat that was in the corner of the office. 

I had been working overtime. It was a bad company with an unfairly large work quota, so working overtime had basically been my daily routine. I was fine with it.

But while all my colleagues are awake and working overtime, is it okay that I’m the only one sleeping like a baby? No. No way. It’s obvious that if someone catches me sleeping, rumors will spread like wildfire.

Because of that reason, I tried to get up in a hurry, but…

“Huh?”

Something is strange. Very strange.

The place I’d fallen asleep at was definitely an old squeaky chair. Right now, I’m lying in a very cozy and fluffy bed. On top of that, someone holding a tray has apparently been staring intensely at me. On the tray lies a glass of water and a slightly dampened towel.

My quickest reaction is to deny reality.

“What… is this a dream?”

“My lord, what do you mean?”

I ask if this was a dream and the reply that comes back is ‘my lord’? What do you mean ‘my lord’? I’m Shin Tae-Pung1, a low-level office worker at Jeonhan Trading Co. Not some lord.

Just then, “Keuuuk!”

My head starts to hurt like hell.

It’s just for a moment, but it felt like someone forcibly split my head open, and stuffed all kinds of information inside. As though I’m gaining some kind of enlightenment.

It felt as though someone was trying to stuff things into a small area that barely has any space. Very unpleasant and painful, but there was nothing I could do. Irrespective of my will, the pain continued, and all the while, a myriad of information and facts was embedded in my head.

At that moment, I realized something. 

If this wasn’t the planet Earth I used to live on, then this couldn’t be the office I had fallen asleep in.

‘…death by overworking. Is that really a thing?’

My life had passed by in a flash. My life as an office worker and a person named Shin Tae-Pung had become… a ‘previous life.’ 

That’s it.

I had died in my previous life.

And by overworking at that.

The last moment of my life was falling asleep while working overtime.

‘Wow, I’m dead at the age of 34 without ever having been in a relationship?’

I wanted to deny it but my assessment of the new knowledge that poured into my head made me unable to. I’m no longer the office-worker Shin Tae-Pung. He is now just a part of the past.

I get it, I get it, but…

I think I’ll need some time to calm down and adjust after such a shocking revelation.

“My lord, did you perhaps have a nightmare?”

Now I can clearly see the person who woke me up.

Haze. One of the maids who works for me.

How did I know her name right away? That’s because all of my memories have naturally fallen into place. And by that I mean, the memories of my past and present life.

“It’s okay, Haze. Don’t worry about it and leave. I’ll call you if I need you.”

“Yes, my lord.”

Haze leaves immediately without saying anything more, leaving me alone in my room. Thanks to this, I can now concentrate on the situation more rationally.

First, I’m getting up.

I know this is not the body from my previous life, but I can’t remember what this body is like now, since it seems to have been a long time since I looked in the mirror. I only remember how this body looked when I was younger, which is about a decade ago.

Why?

In retrospect, I had a pretty handsome face at least until ten years ago. But now, there’s no memory of it anywhere for the last ten years. I felt the need to look directly at my body that has changed over time. So I searched for a full-length mirror.

But something’s off.

Usually, mirrors are placed in the most visible part of the room. 

But somehow, the mirror I found had been placed in the corner of the room and could only be found after a long search. Coated with dust and cobwebs on top of that.

After wiping everything off with the towel I found, I stood tall in front of the full-body mirror.

But… 

“Oh my.”

What I’m seeing is a standing pig.

What’s standing in front of the mirror is not a sleek body, nor a handsome face, but instead, a sloshing belly and black-hole-like navel. The waist area of my pajamas is so bloated that my eyes can’t see where it ends, all due to this d@mn belly fat.

Jesus Christ.

This must be a dream, it has to be. I pinch my cheek in despair, but the only thing that I feel is a very real subsiding pain.

‘Why, no matter how lazy I was in my present life2, how can I be so fat?’

I’m completely speechless.

In movies, dramas, and novels, reincarnation usually makes you a handsome man. They’re reborn as great men and live wonderful lives!

There’s no such thing in this case.

My condition in my last life was better.

Although I was a 34-year-old forever-single man who had never been in a relationship, my body was still well taken care of thanks to working out in my spare time. But this body in my present life is a complete mess.

Perhaps because of the fat on this face, it’s completely different from my memory of the face from ten years ago.

“First of all, first of all… status.” 

I said this word subconsciously.

It was a shortcut I had learned from the enlightenment that came with the headache from earlier.

Then, a stat window opened in front of me as if it was expecting me.

[Jared – Lv. 1]
[Muscle Strength: 51] [Stamina: 5]
[Mana: 75] [Wisdom: 15]
[Agility: 5] [Charm: 0]
[Physical Defense: 5]
[Magic Defense: 5]
[Remaining Stats: 0]
[*Warning: Abnormal Status ‘Extreme Obesity’ is applied.
While ‘Extreme Obesity’ is in effect, the Charm value is fixed to 0.]
[*Warning: The condition of ‘Extreme Obesity’ has been maintained for 10 years. Life expectancy is reduced by 20 years.]

‘What, life expectancy is reduced by twenty years?’

My eyes came to a focus on the red flashing warning message. As soon as I saw this phrase, I was astonished. Being reincarnated in a body like this already makes me mad, but now even my life expectancy has been reduced by twenty years?!

What kind of preposterous nonsense is this?

“Hu….”

Unknowingly, I let out a sigh. I look up at the date that was visible on the top of the status window. 

[Nasu Continental Calendar, January 1, 1414]

‘Wait a minute, this… isn’t this the continental calendar of the game I used to play, <Paradiso>? Not only that but the other details…’

I’d been panicking so much for a moment that I’d overlooked some parts of my present life. As I recall them, the first thing that comes to my mind is the God of this world. 

The God of Transcendence.

The higher level, intermediate level, and lower level Gods.

If you think of God as a silent figurehead, you’re wrong.

Among the Gods, there’s one who likes to play very ugly tricks. So, it’s said, in the case of people like me who die an unjust death, more often than not, he takes the person’s soul far away and plants them into a new body. It probably wouldn’t have been difficult for an intermediate-level god to do this. Because they are, well, Gods.

For an absolute being, nothing is impossible. 

‘The problem is, the knowledge of God in this world is consistent with the worldview of the game <Paradiso> that I used to play.’

Fragments of memories that seemed to have been scattered start to merge into one. And without much difficulty, I’m able to draw a conclusion.

“The game <Paradiso>, which I enjoyed for a long time since I was young, has become a reality. I don’t know why, but either way, it has come to this.”

I don’t know why this happened.

I can’t tell whether or not this is God’s joke or a dream, or if there really is a world like this in a parallel universe.

But what’s certain is that I’ve transmigrated into the world of <Paradiso>.

Not only that, but the memories of my previous and present life have been stored in my head during the process of awakening. So it isn’t difficult to recall information about <Paradiso> from my previous life.

“1-4-2-4, 3-4. March 4, 1424, is the day of the “Battle of the Great Stallion” on the Nasu Continent. It’s the day that the main quest for <Paradiso> begins. In other words, it’s the day the protagonist begins his great journey.”

I could recall all the important dates, and since that day is when the big event happens, I decided to organize my thoughts about the details of this event.

Current date, January 1, 1414. 

Quest start date, March 4, 1424. 

Ten years from now,  the “Battle of the Great Stallion”, one of the most brutal wars within this world will begin.

It’s a war, where millions or even tens of millions of lives will be lost. At this time, the main character of <Paradiso> will appear and fight against the demon king and his legion. The story of the game player begins then.

After that, the true ending can be seen after either protecting the continent from the Demon King and his legion or by conquering the entire continent and becoming the monarch.

<Paradiso> is a fierce battleground within the framework of virtual reality.

But here, it’s different.

This is reality, not a game.

I am someone who knows the secrets of this world.

This is a contemporary world.

People in this world have no idea that this is a game world.

This is the reality for them. Well, of course, it’s now a harsh reality for me too.

If I lose or die, it’ll be all over.

I ended up dying in my previous life. If I end up dying even in this life, I’ll have ended up dying twice!

‘That’s why it really matters what my starting point is.’

I kept my head and heart as cool as I could and started to think about things rationally, one by one.

<Paradiso> is a typical RPG game but at the same time a strategy simulation. There are a variety of factors. In other words, it’s a game about growing oneself, simultaneously building up territory, and expanding power. Very hard and strenuous.

Of course, it was natural to spend lots of time in the game.

‘Then, since it’s currently ten years before the main story begins, it must be the era of five empires and sixteen kingdoms.’

Looking at the date of the Nasu continental calendar, it is now closest to the Spring and Autumn periods. Around those periods are when the five great empires and the sixteen kingdoms will be fighting each other. 

And five years after that, or five years before the start of the main story quest of <Paradiso>, a war will break out in the year 1419.

A civil war that will be called the ‘Great Nasu War’, that starts for a single reason: lack of food. Food is an essential element and, oftentimes, the foundation of a country.

Drought and famine.

Volcanic eruptions and major earthquakes.

Pandemics of highly infectious diseases.

As these three catastrophic factors converge on the Nasu continent, a global food shortage will occur.

Naturally, the emperors and kings of each nation in the game will wage wars to take away the food other countries have stored. It’s impossible to secure enough power to run their nations otherwise.

In the Great War of Nasu, all nations and territories will be involved in the war. In other words, even a lord of a territory will not be able to avoid it. So, the importance of a lord’s estate grows.

And it grows quite significantly.

‘Haze called me a lord earlier, didn’t she? That means I’ve got a territory somewhere.’ 

I’m quite interested to see where the territory that’s managed by this body, Lord Jared, is. 

What’s certain is that I have no memories of a Lord named Jared in the game.

In other words, he’s a no-name character.

Perhaps Jared is an unfortunate lord who disappears from the world of <Paradiso> before the main story quest even begins.

But either way, this body is a mess.

Usually, feudal lords make a lot of effort to embellish themselves. So it’s rare for a lord to have a body like this without considering the consequences. No, it shouldn’t be possible in the first place, it’s not normal. However, it seems that there’s someone abnormal. Just how much restraint did you lack to become like this?

“Please.” 

I haven’t confirmed anything yet, but my hands came together without me realizing it. 

Naturally, I’m praying. 

‘Please don’t be the worst.’

I checked the stats window again and a name appeared.

[Caribia Territory – Small Territory]

“What. What in the world is this worthless piece of land.”

I remember the names of quite a few territories from my previous life’s knowledge but I don’t recall anything about the territory of Caribia.

Not only that, I realized there’s actually a bigger problem to worry about.

“…my stats.”

I look at the stats window again that I’d previously just grazed through while I was being preoccupied with my state of ‘Extreme Obesity.’ 

Only mana and wisdom were slightly higher, and that’s because the numbers were managed in order to meet the qualities required of a lord.

‘Class 4 wizard. My mana stats are too pathetic to even attempt to try to use Class 4 magic skills that use 40 mana each time. This is my reality.’

My facial expression naturally darkens.

Wizards of Class 4 or higher are commonly seen on the Nasu continent. They aren’t special. With the exception of the mana and wisdom stats, the rest of the stats are a disaster. Moreover, even the two stats that display higher numbers are not even that great.

To even make it into a class, my stats should be at least ten times higher than they are now. It’s obvious that they’re rock bottom.

So, I came to a comprehensive conclusion.

“C-rank, D-rank, no, not even F-rank! My stats are garbage! They’re literal dog sh!t!”

That’s right.

In name, I am a lord. But in this reincarnated life, I’m nothing but a feudal lord. And on top of that, I’m a feudal lord with garbage stats. Oh, and as a bonus, I got this sh!tty body.

I’ve been reincarnated not as a king, nor an emperor, nor someone who’ll receive the spotlight of this world…

But as a perfect example of a worthless extra.

Yes, the map has finally been translated lol*.

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Translator’s Notes:

*If you’ve also read the fan translation of the webcomic, you may notice that it was the ‘Lentuse Empire’ had been translated as ‘Kingdom of Lentuse’ (or we assume so, anyway, since it was like that on the fandom and the fandom was likely based on the webcomic). Unlike the webcomic, the novel explicitly states there are 5 empires and 16 kingdoms–although they’re both monarchies, kings will generally rule only one region whereas emperors rule several, could be regarded as ‘king of kings’.

‘Ciders Kingdom’ will also be ‘Cinders Kingdom’ on our version.