“I can understand if I ran into you in your hometown, but to run into you while you were traveling is a crazy coincidence.”
“Ye-yeah…”
Tokizawa, who had looked confident before seeing Subraru’s face, now acted in the opposite manner and timidly nodded. Even though his appearance was that of an adult, his behaviour hadn’t changed at all. It was a strange feeling seeing him look like a bartender dressed in a brilliant white shirt, black pants, and vest. And the biggest difference was that he no longer curled his back like a cat. His back was fully straightened, and it was easy to see just how tall he was. In high school, his back was often curled up so Subaru never noticed their height difference. Tokizawa was probably about a head taller than Subaru.
Pleiades was a small shop with six counter seats. Subaru sat down on the farthest seat by the corner and looked around. The long and narrow bar was dark and simple, a rather tasteless interior design. But with Tokizawa standing at the middle of the counter, Subrau felt like it was the best design ever.
The music was playing at a low volume, and the glasses on the shelf were polished to a shine.
“Do you run this by yourself?”
“Yeah.”
“So is it your bar?”
“Well, pretty much.”
Tokizawa kept nodding his head while he was restlessly polishing the glasses. That nervous manner was completely opposite to the skillful movement of his hands.
“That’s amazing. When did you start working here?”
“This will be the sixth year, I believe.”
“So as soon as you graduated from university? That’s really amazing.”
“Actually, I dropped out of university and I kind of wandered around… What do you want to drink?”
“I see. Anything is fine. I’ll leave it up to you. I prefer sweet drinks.”
To hear that Tokizawa ended up dropping out was a bit shocking, but Subaru decided not to pry too deeply into it. He took off his coat. He wasn’t the only one that had changed since their high school graduation.
“Sweet, huh… Hm, do you like peach?”
“I do.”
“Okay, I have just the thing. It’s in the storehouse. Wait just a moment,” Toikawa said as he left the bar, and not before long, he returned with a small bottle of liqueur. Tokizawa smiled while he showed it to Subaru.
“This is really delicious. It’s very precious so we don’t usually pour it out to many customers. We normally use another peach liqueur.”
“Is it really alright to use it for a first time customer though?”
“It’s fine because you’re special, Subaru,” Tokizawa answered smoothly, and he started preparing the shaker. Subaru kept quiet, but he wondered just how special he was. As always, Tokizawa called Subaru by his first name.
Subaru, who had been looking down this whole time, stole a glance at Tokizawa. He noticed that any excess fat he had in high school had disappeared, and he had become more graceful.
The sound of the shaker had a certain quality to it that made Subaru feel like Tokizawa really was a bartender.
Not before long, Tokizawa poured the contents of the shaker into the glass he just polished. He added a mint leaf as decoration onto the glass and placed it in front of Subaru.
“Drink up.”
“Thanks.”
The sweet and cold ice slid down his throat. Peach was Subaru’s favorite flavor. He drank one sip, then two, the sweet taste of peach and the delicate sour taste of pineapple spread throughout his mouth. The heat of the alcohol dissolved on his tongue. Even though the cold outside was enough to stab your skin, it didn’t bother Subaru that he was having a cold drink. He’d never had one so delicious.
“Is it good?” Tokizawa asked eagerly.
Subaru put the glass down and nodded.
“It’s very good. I’m really surprised by how good it is.”
“That’s good. I’m glad.”
Even though Subaru gave a simple and genuine response in that moment, anyone could see that Tokizawa’s cheeks flushed red. Tokizawa placed a plate of mixed nuts while he smiled to himself.
“Why did you open a bar here in Sapporo instead of your hometown?” Subaru asked as he munched on some walnuts. Tokizawa answered tersely.
“I wanted to go somewhere cold. Why are you in Sapporo? For travel?”
“I lost my job and my girlfriend in one go at the end of the year. I thought about going back to my parents’ house, but I kind of wanted to go to Hokkaido, so before I knew it, I was flying to Shin Chitose.
Subaru relayed the situation pretty calmly and plainly just like how Tokizawa did nonchalantly about dropping out of college. Tokizawa was shocked.
“That’s really terrible.”
“Well, I guess. You never know when life is going to hit you.”
“You sound indifferent about it though… So about your girlfriend, was she the one who the manager of the basketball team?”
“No, we broke up shortly after graduation. She was a girl I dated when I first started working.”
The girlfriend that Tokizawa brought up was the girl Subaru dated from his second year of high school to right after high school graduation. To Subaru, it was an extremely nostalgic memory, but to Tokizawa, he only remembered her as “Subaru’s girlfriend.”
What Tokizawa didn’t know was that after breaking up with her, Subaru went on to date three more girls and subsequently broke up with them as well.
“I see… You’re really popular Subaru.”
“Not as popular as you.”
“No way. I’m not popular at all.”
Tokizawa shook his head slowly in denial. He lied, looking embarrassed.
Subaru thought of saying, “You’re so sarcastic,” to Tokizawa but then he thought that it would leave Tokizawa feeling bewildered and unable to respond, so Subaru refrained from saying anything. It would make sense too, because despite having so many good qualities, Tokizawa didn’t have confidence in himself.
When they were in the same classroom, Subaru could see that their classmates, the girls in the same year, and everyone else in the school admired Tokizawa. All the girls treated him like an idol and always shrieked when he was around. Even the girls who had no interest in flashy looking boys stared at Tokizawa too. Tokizawa’s good points weren’t just his appearance after all. His grades were good enough to be in the top ten, he was athletic, and his family owned a major supermarket chain so they were rich.
Even though Subaru was the type of person and was treated specially by people around him and was sought after, he gave off the impression of always being alone.
Subaru’s girlfriend at the time would always say “Tokizawa is really cool. He’s kind of hard to approach, but that’s what makes him cool.” She’d always sigh dreamily afterwards too. As a boyfriend, Subaru felt like he should have been mad, but there was no point in comparing himself to Tokizawa. Tokizawa was just being himself. There was no reason to get jealous over the kind of person someone was.
But Subaru knew what Tokizawa was actually like. People around Tokizawa often thought that he was arrogant, but in fact Tokizawa was actually a rather modest and reserved person.
“Ah I just remembered. Isn’t there a place in Hokkaido called Kitasubaru that has an observatory? I want to try going there. Do you know what I’m talking about?”
“I think it’s in Nayoro. It’s pretty far from here though.”
Subaru could see the relief on Tokizawa’s face once he changed the subject.
“Nayoro? How far is it?”
“From here, it’s about five hours one way, I think. Also, during this time of the year, it’s very cold. It gets to about minus 15C.
“Minus 15C !? No way!”
Subaru had a lot of time so distance didn’t matter. But fifteen degrees below freezing was completely uncharted territory.
Seeing Subaru look disappointed made Tokizawa laugh.
“If you’re looking for an observatory, Sapporo has one too.”
“Ah okay, I guess I’ll go there then… But actually, since I came here, I might as well go to a famous place. I’m sure the amount of stars you can see in Nayoro are different.”
Tokizawa, who had been nodding his head silently suddenly opened his mouth.
“I see you still like stars.”
“I do like them.”
Seeing Tokizawa think about and answer Subaru’s question about Kitasubaru so earnestly and acknowledge him made Subaru feel rather embarrassed, so he rushed to change the subject.
“Hey, are there any other customers coming tonight? Is it usually like this?”
Nearly an hour had passed since the bar had opened, yet not a single customer besides Subaru had come in. He wondered if it was because it was located in a small building in the red light district that customers wouldn’t really know about it.
“There are days when they come and days when they don’t come.”
“How long do you keep it open until?”
“Usually around 3 a.m. If there are some customers, then I’ll stay open a bit later but if not, I close it early.”
“Pretty free huh.”
The bar had a rather simple design, so Subaru couldn’t even imagine what kind of customers would come here.
With Tokizawa’s face, Subaru wondered if there were a lot of female customers who came with the intention of seeing him, or if men like himself who liked stars and didn’t know anything else about the area came in often too.
“Yup. I run this place by myself, so I’m free to choose the menu and and business hours.
By the way Subaru, are you hungry?”
“Ah, I might be. Come to think of it, I haven’t eaten anything since morning.”
Just as he thought about it, Subaru felt how empty his stomach was. He placed his hands over his stomach as he said that and Tokizawa laughed a little. The sound of Tokizawa’s laugh was one Subaru was familiar with compared to the one from moments ago.
“Ah I see. I know I asked you if you were hungry, but actually, I can’t cook at all. There’s no food menu here either.”
“What! You’re the one who asked though.”
“Should I order delivery or something?”
Subaru laughed at Tokizawa’s rather pathetic expression and Tokizawa looked down embarrassed.
“Sorry. I do have some frozen food lying around,” Tokizawa suggested.
“Alright then. If you can split it then I’ll have that. Anything is fine.”
“What about pancakes?”
“Frozen pancakes exist? That’s fine by me.”
“Yeah, they do. Hang on a second.”
As Tokizawa spoke, he looked below the counter and started making preparations. Subaru noticed that even though he had left things up to Tokizawa, from the peach drink to the frozen pancakes, Tokizawa still continuously confirmed that everything was okay.
Even though 10 years had passed, Tokizawa’s timid nature really hadn’t changed. Just like Subaru’s love for the stars hadn’t changed either.
Now that Tokizawa had momentarily separated himself from Subaru, Subaru began to unconsciously observe him. Subaru watched as Tokizawa’s big clumsy hands opened the packaging and took out its contents, putting the pancakes on a plate.
…Ah. Subaru thought to himself after realizing he was staring.
Subaru suddenly felt uncomfortable and quickly shifted his gaze towards his cup.
He remembered that Tokizawa felt uncomfortable being observed. Though in high school, Tokizawa would stare at Subaru too. Subaru had had difficulty pretending that he didn’t notice the eagerness and longing in Tokizawa’s gaze.
Nothing had really changed since then.
Subaru heard the microwave door shut with a soft thud, and soon the scent of vanilla filled the air inside the bar.
“So…” Subaru started.
“Yeah?” Tokizawa’s quiet response mixed with the sound of the microwave humming.
“Did you choose the name of this bar from my name?”
Tokizawa froze. Silence followed, and Subaru hung his head as an awkward atmosphere began to encircle them.
After a little while, Tokizawa sighed in defeat and nodded his head. Tokizawa admitted to it readily.
“Yeah. Sorry.”
Subaru figured as much. Which means that Tokizawa probably still liked him.
Subaru took a deep breath. He nervously lifted his gaze. Tokizawa was looking at Subaru with an apologetic look on his face.
Don’t admit it so honestly, idiot.
They silently stared at each other for a while until Tokizawa laughed nervously and tilted his neck.
“Sorry, you must feel creeped out. But I don’t think of you like that anymore so you don’t have to put your guard up,” Tokizawa tried to assure Subaru.
“Huh?”
“Right before I started working here, a lot of things happened so I was feeling rather depressed. Then for some reason I remembered you, and it really helped me out. Though that’s probably even more creepy. You’d probably feel grossed out by that too… But when I decided to open up this bar, I remembered that you showed me a picture of the Pleiades constellation. I really thought that we’d never see each other again so I decided to use it. I’m sorry.”
“…It’s fine.”
Almost as if he had these lines prepared, Tokizawa kept giving reason after reason. The Tokizawa that Subaru knew wasn’t good with words. He was always thinking and overthinking, and usually it would take some time before the words came out of his mouth. He was a person who always slowly and politely thought out his words.
Even though Tokizawa was timid and hated to stand out, he still started to work a job that didn’t exactly fit him in the service industry. Subaru started to realize how much Tokizawa had actually changed.
“The pancakes are almost ready,” mentioned enthusiastically.
Subaru came back down to earth once he heard Tokizawa’s cheerful voice. Tokizawa’s beautiful face showed an unrestrained smile.
The microwave played a melody to signal that it had finished heating up the food, and Tokizawa took out the pancakes, put them on a plate, added some syrup, and finally placed them in front of Subaru. Subaru started to silently eat the pancakes with the fork and knife.
“Subaru.”
“…What?”
“Sorry to interrupt while you’re eating, but can I ask why you quit your job?”
Subaru was still in the middle of chewing when Tokizawa asked. He thought for a bit while he finished chewing and nodded after he swallowed the pancakes.
“It’s quite a boring story though.”
“I still want to hear it.”
Subaru started his story as he moved his knife and fork. He wasn’t sure where to start so he decided to start from when he entered his company.
“After I graduated from college, I started working at a pharmaceutical company, and I was assigned to work in sales.”
“A pharmaceutical company…” Tokizawa repeated.
Tokizawa found himself echoing Subaru’s words. Perhaps he thought it was rather unexpected. Not even the high schooler Subaru would have ever imagined working at a pharmaceutical company when he was older.
“At first, I was doing really well,” Subaru continued to tell Tokizawa, I worked really hard for 5 years and then I was promoted to team leader. Then a section from another department was transferred over, and the boss of that department and I didn’t get along.”
This boss was really spiteful to the people who had just been promoted. He would ridicule people who were younger than him and never once listened to their opinions. It seemed like he was the type to only have gotten promotions by sucking up to the higher ups because he wasn’t capable enough to do his job. Even though Subaru’s team was doing well and being continuously successful, their boss would find fault in everything and would torment Subaru and the other juniors.
“And then one day, I made a mistake. A mistake not even a new hire would make. A stock that had been ordered wasn’t delivered on the designated day.”
“Seriously?”
“To make matters worse, the client made such a big deal about it, and the supervisor was also rather fastidious about it. So because of that, the contract between them was cut, and I was told to take responsibility for it and got fired over it.”
After saying it aloud, Subaru realized that he really put it crudely. While he was in the maelstrom of it all, Subaru sincerely felt like it was his mistake. By that time, Subaru felt like he was stuck in a position that no matter what was decided or whether there was a side to blame, neither the company nor the client could forgive the outcome delivery issue. Subaru was already so exhausted that he couldn’t see the situation clearly.
But it wasn’t really Subaru’s mistake. Subaru couldn’t really be to blame. The boss gave Subaru’s team that task even though they already had their hands full with other work to do. When Subaru realized this, it was too late. His dismissal was imminent.
In the end, Subaru could no longer be bothered. He had no emotional attachment to his work, and he had a horrible boss that he didn’t want to work for anymore anyway.
So then, Subaru was let go by the company.
Subaru was a bit hesitant about telling Tokizawa the truth because it was possible for Tokizawa to think that Subaru was just making excuses. Subaru didn’t want Tokizawa to think that.
“I was also living with my girlfriend then, and when I told her I no longer had a job, she broke up with me and told me to get out. So I decided to go back to my parents, but I haven’t decided what to do after that.”
With that, Subaru finished his story, and Tokizawa just silently stared at him. He was making a face that seemed to look more hurt than Subaru’s.
“Why are you making that face?” Subaru asked Tokizawa.
“If I was the boss, I would have prostrated on the floor and begged for you not to quit.”
“No way, that’s stupid.”
“It’s not stupid!” Tokizawa reasoned, “It’s true. You’re an amazing guy and extremely competent, and your company didn’t know that. The fact that they never realized it the five years you worked with them, sounds even more stupid than me. It’s too late for them to regret it now.”
Tokizawa looked so genuinely upset that Subaru couldn’t help himself and just started laughing. Tokizawa looked at him inquisitively.
“If you’re laughing like this, I guess you’re already over it?”
“No actually, I was really depressed about it until I talked to you. Losing my job and home just happened so recently. I came here without any sort of direction or thought of what to do next. So the more I thought about it, the more depressed I felt. But I was surprised that you would get angry for my sake. Thank you.”
“Mhm.”
Subaru began to nod, and Tokizawa started to laugh too.
Tokizawa had never laughed so freely in front of Subaru. Not even when they were in high school. Even though Tokizawa never did anything wrong, it always seemed like he was afraid of something.
“You can drink a lot today, it’s on the house,” Tokizawa told Subaru.
“Is that okay for even you to say? You know, I can drink a lot.”
“It’s fine.”
“Okay, I’ll take you up on your offer.”
Subaru downed the rest of the drink that was in his glass. He began to absentmindedly think about Tokizawa’s words. He remembered that in high school, he was the one who showed Tokizawa a picture of the Pleiades constellation.
Subaru wondered if Tokizawa still remembered that. Subaru pondered on that thought, the way a person strangely starts to think of things when feeling down.
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