My name is (Atanajius Haldra Shawvalleyhinner).
I am a 70 year old geezer Count.
I may be old enough to have my bed get attached with a table, but even I had a glorious period in my youth.
I used to be the military commander for the kingdom.
I led armies tens of thousand strong, confronted the demonic hoardes, and won many times.
I have been honored with many medals and received words directly from the King three times.
It was an honor to be able to do so.
I even thought it was okay to die as I was.
However, the crossroads of my life came unexpectedly late.
That was seven years ago.
I was ordered to capture an important base of the demons.
At that time, the number troops granted to me by His Majesty were 100,000.
It was definitely a large army.
Moreover, it was an important mission where if we took this enemy base, future battles with the demons would progress smoothly.
With more than 40 years of military experience, I was given this important mission and the lives of 100,000.
Rather than feel my blood boil as a warrior, I had a tight feeling within me.
Finally, I led 100,000 soldiers to the enemy base.
During our journey, I had carelessly ruined my stomach.
Was it because of the pressure of being assigned a key position?
Or was the wild boar meat that I ate along with the sake rotten?
I continued putting up with it on horseback, but I faced my limits.
I managed to get rid of my subordinates, and left the formation to finish my business in the depths of the forest.
When I returned after relieving myself, I witnessed a terrifying scene.
“W-what the hell is thiiiiiiiiiiiis!!”
It was dead bodies.
100,000 troops had fallen down to the ground.
At first I thought it was a joke.
The soldiers were likely doing it to relieve their tension.
Or perhaps it was a performance to encourage me, who was nervous.
However, that wasn’t the case.
Every one of them was truly dead.
100,000 soldiers were…
In the short time while I was relieving myself…
Without any sort of resistance…
“Huh? There’s still 1 left?”
A man in a robe suddenly appeared in front of me.
He looked like a human, but I was sure that he was a demon.
My intuition didn’t stop there either.
I understood immediately.
That this demon had killed 100,000 soldiers in a short period of time…
“Are you a comrade of these soldiers, gramps?”
The demon began staring at me.
I’m going to die…
Is what I thought.
I finally learnt the meaning of blood draining from my face.
My palpitations were intense, and I couldn’t breathe.
I finally noticed the sweat dripping from my chin.
“What’s wrong, gramps?”
“I, I am…”
I swallowed my words.
However, I didn’t have enough spit to do so, and realized just how dry my throat was.
“I am–“
–not a bad human being…
Is what I said to try and deceive him.
I began coughing as hard as I could, and bent my waist.
I used my sword still in its scabbard, as a cane, and acted to prove my innocence.
I didn’t think I could deceive him with this either.
If our positions were exchanged, I would have slashed him down immediately.
But the demon–
“Ooooh~, so that’s the case. Well, whatever.”
–was a pretty decent guy.
This guy wasn’t a demon, but an idiot— No, no, no, no, no, an angel, is what I thought.
He seems to have completely fallen for my 3 Parc acting.
“So, what’s up with that armor?”
H, he’s shaaarp—–!!
My equipment was different from regular soldiers.
It had a custom design on it.
It seems that this is why I wasn’t identified with the other soldiers.
“T, this is…..”
Now how will I explain this one?
If I knew this was the case, I would have just done my business naked.
“Ah~, gramps, could it be that you’re a looter?”
“Eh?”
“Are you thinking of selling that expensive armor and making a profit?”
“Ho ho… Oh ho ho ho ho… D-d-d-did you figure it out? Actually, that’s right. I’m thinking of using this for my living expenses.”
“I see. Don’t overdo it though. That armor is very heavy, and your hips are broken!”
That’s because I’m acting!!
I thought of retorting like so but, PATIENCE! Be patient, me.
If I could endure this, I’d be able to live till a happy old age!!
“But wait. Since you’re looting… gramps, maybe you are a bad human being after all?”
H, he’s shaaarp—–!! (2nd time)
“Oh ho ho ho….. I-I’m only joking, you see. I have no intention of stealing. I-I only wanted to try this armor out once. Y-you know… since I am a boy after all.”
“Ha ha~n. Yes, I understand everything now.”
The demon suddenly flashes his eyes.
My shoulders shook involuntarily.
T-there’s no way… My identity was…..!?
“You wore that armor, and can’t take it off now right?”
“….. YES! You’ve hit the mark!!”
“Ah~, I knew it~”
Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha…
Why was I laughing alongside a demon, in the middle of the battlefield?
“It can’t be helped, I’ll help you take it off.”
“I, appreciate it.”
The demon began stripping off my armor.
While humming to a tune…
I felt really complicated about this.
I observed the situation, while worrying internally, that I’ll be taken as prisoner any time now.
“Gramps, any family?”
“I have 2 sons, and 3 daughters. Just recently, my eighth grandson…”
“That’s a huge house.”
“Yes it’s very troublesome. Enough to make me want to sell this armor.”
I was having a casual chat with the demon.
Somehow a feeling of intimacy arose.
At the same time, I began thinking that I’d be able to leave without a hitch.
However, crisis struck shortly after.
“Ah…”
The demon noticed something.
He turned his face up and spoke to me.
“Commander Atanajius Haldra Shawvalleyhinner…”
It’s over!
I thought that this was it.
My face muscles began tightening against their will.
I was so disturbed, that I became light headed and thought I’d vomit blood any moment now.
This was the end.
The demon had finally figured out my identity.
“S–“
I decided to apologize obediently.
I’m sorry, it was all a lie…
I tried to confess that I was the commander of the corps.
However, before I could take that step, the demon said-
“That’s the name written here on the armor. Gramps, this belongs to the commander of the human army.”
“H-ha…”
I couldn’t talk coherently to the demon after that.
I just kept laughing, and continued fooling him.
“See ya’, gramps. I don’t know where you came from, but there are plenty of monsters around here, so be careful and go home.”
The demon disappeared in front of me, waving his hands as if saying “Bye~”.
It was only after I returned to the kingdom shamefully, that I realized I never asked his name.
But I was sure of it now.
He was fooling around with me knowing I was the commander.
He had deliberately ignored the fact that I was Atanajius Haldra Shawvalleyhinner.
Powerful enough to ignore the enemy commander…
That must be because he was the Demon King.
The King of demons; if that’s not it, then he couldn’t have wielded such power, nor have the leisure of ignoring the enemy commander.
For the Demon King, a human commander must have been less than dust on the ground.
I reported the happenings as they were.
However, I was judged as a senile general of the army who couldn’t cope with losing 100,000 soldiers, and wasn’t taken seriously.
I couldn’t believe it myself.
How could I expect others to…
The world became cold to me because I was a defeated general who caused great losses.
The voices of praise from the people stopped, and instead they turned into contempt.
In reality, I had lost the lives of 100,000 soldiers and was no better than a sinner.
During the court-martial there was an opinion that I should be sentenced to death, but I was spared by my past achievements, and His Majesty’s warmth.
However, the letters sent by His Majesty each year, suddenly disappeared.
I decided to retire by request.
I still dream about that day.
If I hadn’t gone to do my business…
If I had fought against the demon, and bravely defeated it, would there have been another future…
Fu fu fu… As if that could happen.
No one can win against that guy.
Humanity will eventually be destroyed.
I will wait in hell just slightly beforehand for it…
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