Prologue




 

Idol.

    Whenever you see idol singers appearing on various media platforms or promoting K-POP worldwide, you must have thought of this at least once, "How did they succeed?"

    Experts say that visuals (appearance), singing ability, dance, and entertainment are the key points to being successful.  Of course, that isn't an accurate analysis since there are no rules stating that skills are related to popularity.  However, it is true that the more talented you are, there's a higher chance of success.

    Why am I talking like this?

    Well that's because it looks like I have a talent.  A very special talent that others don't have.

    Chapter one, I have a strange ability.







 

    I had a headache.  I was called up by the company and was dropped a bombshell hearing the director tell the story.  I asked again as my voice withered away, "Excuse me?"

    "It's exactly as you heard."

    I was in a daze with my mouth gaping open as the director had an awkward expression on while changing his glasses. 

    "And so. . . you want me to leave the company?"

    "I wasn't saying that you should leave the company.  To be more precise, it means that you're dropped out of the debut group."

    "Why?"

    I couldn't understand, "Why was I dropped from the debut group?"

    "Wooju."

    "No, you said three weeks ago that I was confirmed to debut.  You even confirmed that the group name was TNT, but now all of the sudden you. . ."

    "Debuting can always be put down any time.  The industry is like that Wooju.  Nobody can be relieved until they make the perfect debut.  Even with your seniors, this wasn't uncommon."

    That wasn't wrong though.

    TJ ENTERTAINMENT.

    TJ ENTERTAINMENT was commonly referred to as one of the four major entertainment agencies in Korea.  They've been around since the 2000s debuting prominent boy and girl groups that they're nicknamed as the 'Idol Masterpiece' in the industry.

    They produced many idol groups and when looking at the case of senior groups who debuted under TJ ENTERTAINMENT, the last member being changed were actually kept as a secret. 

However, I didn't know that'll also be my story.

"It can be hard to understand.  I know how it feels but. . .'

"Is it because of my dance skills?"

There wasn't an answer, but it was enough to understand.

"Not long ago, we had a meeting with the planning team and discussed a lot of things.  Anyhow, it seemed like the balance of the choreography wasn't lining up together.  It wouldn't have helped if we debuted like that since the team's color would've been affected."

". . ."

"My management director and their potential friends said that we should keep an eye on it, but it was decided by my superiors, so I had no choice but to do it."

There was only one person who was above the director, president Park Taejoon.

TJ ENTERTAINMENT's CEO and even famous out in the industry known as, 'Midas hand'. (Midas hands seem to be named after King Midas in Greek mythology for turning everything he touches into gold.)

There was nothing more to say about the fact that the president of the company decided to drop me from the debut group.

"It's unfortunate Wooju."

It felt like the sky was collapsing.  A feeling that couldn't be explained by anything.  The company that I had dedicated six years into was trying to cut me off when I was just about to debut.  It was like saying that there was a defect along the products when selling them.

My insides felt like vomiting.  A fever started to rise and my face became hot.  My intestines were twisting around and the cucumber that I ate for my diet came up then went back down.

As I tried to calm down my ragged breathing, the director gave me a sympathetic look.

"Are you okay?"

The most unfair thing was that I couldn't refute back at all, because everything the company said was true.

Trainee Seon Wooju.

Even though I had good singing skills, I lack the skills in dancing. Every time at the end of each monthly evaluation, different people would come and tell me that I was barely surviving from being eliminated due to my face. (He was handsome, so he didn't get eliminated despite his dance skills.)

Therefore, it wasn't unusual that I'll be eliminated since I couldn't dance.

But no matter how true it was, anger couldn't be helped but flare up.  If this was the case, they shouldn't have picked me to debut in the first place.  I already took a profile picture and even unpack everything from the dorm with the boys who were in the debut group, but now you're telling me to get out?

It was an infuriating thing to do.

"Wooju."

"I'm sorry."

Without me noticing, tears start to flow down, so I grab some tissues and wipe them away.  I guess it's because I burst into tears all at once. 

Tears continued to fall.  It was the first time that I cried in front of others like this since my grandma was sick. 

After staying like that for a while, I felt a little bit calmer.  I took a deep breath and sat down calmly.

"Are you feeling okay now?"

"Yes."

The director had a calm expression.

Indeed.  For someone who eliminates trainees every month, my tears have become a common sight to see.

"Then. . ." my voice quietly mutters out, "What's going to happen to me?"

"You have three options."  The director explained.

"First option is to quit as an idol trainee and move on to be an actor."

"An actor?"

Why were you suddenly mentioning acting?

"This is an opinion based on the management department.  You lack skills in dancing, but you have excellent visuals.  A quick and good way to get attention from the cameras.  There's lots of feedback that just having visuals isn't enough to become an idol."

As if to calm down the atmosphere, that's what the director said.

"How about moving over to be an actor?  A lot of actors have been recruited over the years, so we have now collected lots of know-how on what to do.  Sooner or later, the company will make a self-produced drama.  If you do, I'm willing to give you lots of support from the company."

"The second option?"

"If you still want to be an idol, I can connect you to another company."

"Another company?"

"Like Lemon and DNS companies are nearby, but they're on the small side."

In simpler terms, he's telling me to go to a smaller company.  He then continued his words.

"If you didn't like any of those options, well. . . you'll have no choice but to terminate the contract with the company."

In the end, it was whether I'll choose to stay and move into acting, prepare to be an idol trainee at another company, or terminate the contract.

I asked, "If I go to another company, can I debut?"

"That'll depend on you", the director smiled vaguely.

If I go to another company, I'll have to start over from the beginning again.  Without realizing, I laughed out loud.

"We'll respect whatever choice you choose, but we'll prefer it if you become an actor. . ."

The director said something, but I couldn't hear what it was.  I was in a daze.  Even if the Earth was to be destroy by tomorrow, it'll be more realistic than this.

I had all sorts of thoughts inside my head.  Is this for real?  Am I really cut from the debut group?  What should I say to my grandma?  What should I do when I get embarrassed taking out my luggage from the dorm?  What have you been doing for 6 years here, Seon Wooyu?

My thoughts branched out from here to there just like a stem sprouting out from a seedling.  My mind became more and more complex.  When I finally organized my thoughts, I decided.

"Director."

"Yes?  Have you decided?"

"Yes."

It was a decision that I would later come to regret.

"I'll terminate the contract."

 

* * *







 

". . . ju" (last part of Wooju's name, so just ju haha)

". . ."

"Dude, Seon Wooju."

". . ."

Someone shook my shoulder.  It looks like I fell asleep for a moment.  When I regained consciousness, I saw a young man from the driver's seat looking at me worriedly.  A man with glasses.

In the book <MATH GHOST> that I read as a child, the ghosts that appeared on the screen looked the same as him except for the skin color and beard.

Yoon Seokhwan.

He was someone that I had known for a long time.  He was the deputy manager for the management team who manages trainees.  A flash of worriness lights across his face.

"Are you ok?"

"I'm sorry hyung.  I fell asleep for a moment." (Hyung:  a term used by younger male to older males that they're close to.  This means Wooju is younger than Seokhwan haha)

"We're in front of the dorm.  It's time to get up."

The car stopped at an apartment complex in Gangnam-gu.  Here was the dorm of the boy group TNT that I belonged to.  But after the termination of the contract with the company, I came here to pack my bags.

The way Seokhwan drive was like a carnival and the company's last consideration.

"It's funny."

"What is?"

"When my debut was confirmed, it felt like I was in Heaven, but now it feels like I'm standing in front of the gates to Hell."

Seokhwan didn't give an answer to anything.

"What about the kids?  They aren't in the dorm?" (Seokhwan is referring to the other members of TNT when he says, 'kids' and so on in the following sentences)

"Everyone must be at the training center at this hour."

"True, they must be busy with practicing the choreography."

It felt like someone else's story already.

The kids will probably think that I was called for a short amount of time due to problems like taking the profile picture. (Wooju also refers to the members when he mentions, 'kids')

Yoon Seokhwan asks as he fixes his glasses, "Are you really going to leave without saying anything?"

"They'll be uncomfortable."

"Still though, you have a friendship currently with the kids, so they'll be very sad.  Especially Taehyun if you went out without telling him anything. . ."

"Seokhwan hyung." my voice sank, "I'm sorry, but I don't think I can afford to worry about others feelings right now."

"Ok.  I'm sorry."

"What's there to be sorry for hyung?  I'll just pack my bags and leave."

I quickly got out of the passenger seat since I thought it'd be awkward if I stayed there.

17th floor of the apartment. 

The elevator going up to the dorm continued to rise without stopping.

". . ."

INSIDE THE DORM.

Like a group with 8 members, hangers were lined up in the living room and clothes were messily hanging over them.  I quickly went into my room and packed my things.  I didn't bring much with me since I hadn't packed all of my clothes from my hometown in Gunsan yet.  A family photo of my parents when I was a baby, some clothes, and last but not least, my dirty sweatpants.

As I packed my bags and left, emotions overwhelmed me.  I bit my lips to stop the tears from pouring out.

It was time to head back into the car as I held back tears.

Yoon Seokhwan asked worryingly, "Living place?  Do you have a place to stay tonight?"

"Well. . ."

"Do you want to sleep over at my place?"

"No, but thank you.  I don't want to be a nuisance to your family."

"I live alone dude."

"I thought you hated living alone hyung."

Yoon Seokhwan laugh lightly at my joke.

"Hyung, I'm going down to Gunsan."

"Don't you have school in Seoul?"

"I said I wanted to focus on debuting, so I dropped out."

The company told me not to do that, and there wasn't any need to do that, but at the same time, I wanted to focus only on the debut.  You're an idiot Seon Wooju.

"Have you told your grandma yet?"

"Not yet."

"She must be very worried. . ."

"What are you talking about her being worried?  She's going to swear out bowls of curse words at me to calm down like, 'You fxxkin bastard!!  I knew this was going to happen!'"

I shuddered at the thought of my grandma's loud swearing.  What.  At least I wouldn't have to be worried about going hungry.

My grandma may not be the president of the company, but she is the boss of Baekban restaurant who makes one dish.

"Are you really going to give up."

"Yeah."

As I rolled down the car window, the spring breeze came and tickled my hair.

"It seems like you're making too much of an extreme decision.  With these decisions, you have to think over it slowly over time.  Are idols the only celebrities?  Take a look at how many different paths there are.  There's being an actor and being a model."

"Of course, If I had your face, I wouldn't be doing these kinds of things for a living."

"Do I look that good?"

"Go look in the mirror and live dude."

"There's many handsome and pretty people living in the world."

Yoon Seokhwan gasp as if it was nonsense.

When I was a new trainee, Seokhwan was the youngest member in the management team.  The bond that we have built up over the past six years together was not small.  However, Seokhwan was the youngest deputy.  I'm still like a 10 year old trainee to him.

I said with a smile, "I don't want to be a celebrity anymore."

"Why?"

"It's just. . . should I say it's time to go back to reality?  I think I got tired of preparing for 6 years."

"So what are you going to do next then?"

"Well. . ."

Gangnam's street was crowded with people probably due to the warm spring breeze.  I open my lips while looking at the scenery outside the window.

"I think I'll live a normal life.  Study, go to college, and when spring comes, i'll go out to see the cherry blossoms.  Maybe try dating.  And when the time comes, I'll go to the military."

'Eww."

"What?"

"Military. . . was not it."

"I just giggled when I was him making a face like, 'you know if you experienced it.'  Meanwhile, the care came to a stop.

"We're here."

When we arrived at the express bus terminal, Seokhwan handed over a business card.

"Wooju."

"Yes?"

"You must be having a hard time right now, so you aren't able to think properly.  You can say that you're going to quit being an idol, but you don't really know what a person will do.  And so, if you change your mind. . ."

"I can call this number right?"

"Yes."

Seokhwan smiled and held out his hand, "Goodbye, see you again."

After shaking hands, I got out of the car.  With one backpack on, I glance over at the car leaving a long smoke trail behind before entering the terminal.

It was springtime everywhere.  Even the clothes of the people and flowers around them. . . everything was spring.

"Ah, this weather is nice."

While looking up at the sky, I entered the terminal.







 

Then I thought about it.

In the future, I'm not going to have any connection with idols.  However, that was my mistake.  Since then, three years have passed and my life has changed.