Chapter 8.5 – I’ll Definitely Take This Secret to the Grave….!

Morning. I, Koga Kurumi, woke up with a faint feeling of fatigue and a strange chill. I thought it was just morning laziness so I rubbed my sleepy eyes. Then, I stare at the boy lying next to me---I thought of what happened last night.

---Scene Change---

A faint sound of breathing was coming from right next to me.

He has been saying that he loves me but even though we are in the same bed, he did nothing and just tried to sleep.

---that’s normal.

Because I had given him…. sleeping pills.

I had prepared a cup of tea for him while he was in the shower and I had put some sleeping pills in it. When it was around the time we had to go to bed, I realized that I only had one bed. He will surely want to sleep with me so I had him drink some sleeping pills to protect myself.

Of course, I know that this is wrong.

However, if I didn’t---if he presses me on the bed, I am not sure if I could resist.

As a result, he is currently sleeping due to the effect of the sleeping pills. Everything went according to plan. All that was left was for me to go to sleep too. Yeah, let’s sleep…..

---but I’m super horny.

What was wrong with me? I was thinking of committing suicide lately so I haven’t had time to masturbate. And there were those two kisses too.

Y-yeah! It was all those kisses' fault! I mean, sure, I kissed him first but there’s no way I could take the surprised kiss! It’s the first time I’ve even been kissed so I’m bound to be….conscious of it.

This is why I’m so horny. How can my libido rise to an unprecedented height during the worst time?

In a situation where the boy, who was the source of it, was sleeping right next to me.

I like---no. I shouldn’t like him. No, only his lunatic part but I can say that I might like him. Though it’s probably because “He’s the only one I can depend on”, I think that he’s fine to be my first time.

---No, my first time……..I- I’m……I can’t let………..I’m just being emotional……ah, this feeling makes my head hurt.

「……hey, do you want to have sex?」

And, I asked it myself.

The moment I said it, I regretted it terribly. Those words would change our relationship forever. Anxious and frustrated, I waited for an answer. However, all I could hear was his regular breathing.

I tried over to check and saw that he was sleeping.

「Hey, are you really sleeping?」

I asked even though it was very obvious.

「……kuh…….kuh」

「……」

I poked his check but….he won’t wake up.

I made my hand crawl his left arm and….nothing happened.

「Hey」

I hugged his left arm….he didn’t wake up.

Apparently, he’s completely sleeping soundly.

「……」

I unconsciously swallowed my saliva.

I wriggle around and move over to his sleeping body. I was careful in order to make sure he wouldn't wake up. As our bodies get close to each other, our body temperature mingles and becomes very warm.

Our faces are so close with each other, so close that we could feel each other’s breath---so close that the tip of our noses touch---and we can feel each other’s temperature with our skins.

「Aren’t you going to wake up?」

「……」

「……idiot….hmmmmm」

I press my own lips against him, following the emotions I’m feeling. And my sense of reason crumbled.

Let’s just say, I attacked.

---Scene Change---

………..let me just say this frankly, I didn’t mean this!

I hold my head while on the bed. The time was around five minutes after 6 in the morning.

W-w-what’s happening! Why is it so cold! Eh!? Why am I in my underwear! Was I too tired last night that I went to be like this!?

「P-pa-pajama pajama…..」

I sneak out of the bed so as not to wake him up and wear my pajamas that were scattered in the room.

….hnn? Wait a minute. I’m in my underwear, does this mean---I put my gaze on the lower body of the guy sleeping on my bed.

N-no no, as expected, no matter how tired I was last night, I will surely tidy it up.

I turned the futon over and checked the inside part….okay! All right! Well done, me from yesterday! In the first place, I shouldn’t have worried about it since the me from yesterday should have taken care of everything!

Perhaps, last night, after cleaning the mess, I ran out of steam and fell asleep before I could wear my pajamas back.

I’m so glad I woke up before him.

I put on my pajamas and went straight to the living room. There was no way I could stay in the same room with him any longer. I feel like I’m going to die of embarrassment.

「So, this is what they call….midnight tension.」

TN: Midnight tension is being highly emotional and doing something impulsive late at night. What happened in this story aside, buying a lot on amazon late at night for no reason can be considered midnight tension too.

On the day I got drunk and kissed, I had a midnight tension in the form of yobai*.

TN: Yobai is an ancient Japanese custom usually practiced by young unmarried men and women. At night, young unmarried men would silently enter houses with young unmarried women. A man would silently crawl into a woman's room and make his intentions known. If the woman consented, they would sleep together. By the morning he would leave. The girl's family might know about it, but pretend they did not. It was common for young people to find a husband/wife like this.

….could I be someone with a strong sex drive? In the past, I had been doing it once every two days although I rarely did it these days. Since I don’t have friends, I can’t tell if my sex drive is normal or not.

「However, that’s not the point right now….」

The question is whether to tell him about this. I know I should tell him. No matter what I say, what I did was a crime. Maybe.

So, I tried to imagine what would happen if I told him.

『I’m sorry! I used sleeping pills to put you to sleep and then crawled over you!』

『Whaaaatttt!? I don’t remember! Let’s do it again! I mean right now! By the way, what would you like to name our child? Do you have a preferred education plan? I think I’d like them to learn English from an early age but of course, I will respect our child’s will!』

After such a conversation, I could easily imagine us having sex, falling for each other, and having a child.

「M-maa, there’s no such future---none!」

For a moment, I wanted to punch myself for thinking that would be good. Or rather, I did. My cheek hurts.

「N-no, we should take one step at a time.」

100 steps, no 100 million steps are required to have a good marriage. He is a better person compared to anyone else even if he sometimes acts like a lunatic, a creep, or even annoying. However, marriage is difficult for high school students. We have to consider school, parents, money, and so on.

Besides….

『As expected, Kurumi-san wants to marry me too! Let’s build a warm home!』

I’m only thinking of it and I’m already angry. I’m very dissatisfied.

Even so, it was me who crawled up to him because of midnight tension so I’m all at fault here!

---even so….that’s right. I…

Then, my head started boiling and my heart ached as if it was tightened by something.

「〜〜〜〜!」

I can’t stay standing still so I went around the living room in circles while calming my heart down. I jumped onto the sofa and flapped my legs.

「What, should….」

I’m panicking but I don’t feel bad. “I can’t let him see me like this”, I muttered that as I plopped my face into the cushion.

「O-okay! I’ll just keep my mouth shut. I’ll definitely take this secret to the grave….!」

I clenched my fist tightly and made up my mind before starting to make breakfast. I’m not going to let my acting experience go to waste. I will behave in front of him as I always do!

I won’t let it show in my face, I won’t bite my own tongue!

---that thought of mine was broken down early by his greetings a few minutes later but I didn’t know at this time yet.