I’m Always by Your Side

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As I woke up, my body felt heavy and slow.

I had been devoting all my time to studying magic lately, and it had been causing me to have a hard time sleeping. I realized that I had become a bit too fixated on it.

However, I couldn’t resist continuing because I was making progress and discovering so many new things. It was like playing an incredibly addictive game that I couldn’t stop.

Even though I knew I needed to take it easy and relax, I had to work for the day. So, I got out of bed and made my way downstairs to the living room.

It was still morning, around 7:00, and only my mother was there. Various dishes were on the table, but it seemed like only for the two of us.

“Morning, Mother. Where’s Father and Marie?” I asked as I walked into the room.

“Good morning, Theon. Your father went to Sanostria for work. Marie is practicing her sword outside.”

“I see… She’s practicing again,” I said, glancing out of the window at the courtyard.

As I watched Marie swing her sword, I couldn’t help but feel a mixture of emotions. Her expression was focused and intense, and even from a distance, there was an aura that made her seem unapproachable.

She trained tirelessly from morning till almost night every day. I hoped she would slow down a bit, but it didn’t seem like it was going to happen anytime soon.

Although I didn’t feel qualified to judge people, I feel like she was pushing herself too hard.

“Alright, let’s eat,” my mother said, her voice tinged with a hint of loneliness.

“Okay…”

Our parents had tried to convince Marie to take a break from her training, but she always rebuffed their concerns with a confident “I’m fine.” I also had tried talking to her about it before, but she remained stubbornly committed to her training, even if it meant pushing herself too hard.

I understood where she was coming from. Mother had been in a similar situation before, where she was told not to worry about what had happened that day, but Marie remained unchanged.

She wasn’t doing anything wrong, and she wasn’t hurting anyone. She was simply working hard to become stronger. It was difficult for my parents to get angry at her, even if they were clearly troubled by her behavior.

In contrast, my own magic studies were largely left to my discretion. Mother would occasionally comment on my progress, and my father would only get involved if there was a danger involved. If it didn’t have to do with magic, they probably wouldn’t have gone to such lengths.

Finding the right balance between being overprotective and neglectful was a delicate art.

As we ate, Mother seemed to hesitate about something. She glanced at me, then looked down to continue eating, then glanced at me again. It was an unusual behavior for her, as she usually smiled warmly and watched over me.

I had a feeling that whatever she wanted to say was about Marie.

“…Is this about Marie?” I finally asked, blurting out the thought that had been on my mind.

Mother looked at me with surprise before eventually answering, “How do you know, Theon?”

“Mom, I thought maybe you were hesitant to talk because you’re going to ask me for something. Given the recent events, I figured it must be about Marie.”

My mother looked surprised at first, but then sighed resignedly. “Theon, you’re really smart… Yes, that’s right. I wanted to talk to you about her. Haven’t you noticed that she’s been acting strange lately?”

I nodded in agreement. “Since the incident with the goblins, right?”

“Yes. Marie’s been worried about that, but I think she’s pushing herself too hard. We’ve tried talking to her, but she won’t listen. I thought maybe she would listen to you if you spoke to her.”

My sister is pretty stubborn. I assume it might run in our family since our father is like that too.

Perhaps burdened by a sense of guilt, she believed that she was becoming an inconvenience to those around her, and even our parents were at a loss as to how to deal with her.

She felt that she needed to become stronger quickly.

As her younger brother, and considering that we’re both still children, I thought that if I approached her, she might be receptive to what I had to say. But I wasn’t entirely certain that this would be the case. I’d tried to talk to her about it before, but it appeared that it only made her unhappy or uncomfortable in some way, so I didn’t bring it up. Nonetheless, it might be necessary for me to really step up.

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“Sorry, Theon. Don’t worry about what I just said,” my mom quickly corrected herself after seeing I didn’t say anything.

“It’s okay. I wanted to talk to her too. Besides, it’s not good if it continues like this.”

It’s often said that overexerting yourself can lead to harm, but in reality, not many people work to that extent or put in that much effort. There must be something unavoidable that causes this.

I believe it can happen to people who have a personality that drives them to their limits, for better or for worse.

Speaking of myself, I’m quite carefree and tend to think “oh well, it’s fine in the end.” However, my sister is more serious, so I understand her feelings. If I were in her shoes, I’d probably feel the same way.

After I replied, I noticed a conflicted expression on my mom’s face. Perhaps I came across as too grown-up for my age of seven.

“Thanks Theon, I don’t know if it’s right to rely on you.”

“Mom, you can rely on me more. I may be a kid, but there are things kids can do too.”

“Theon…”

She looked like she wanted to say something, but she remained silent. Was I too obvious? Hmm, given things what I’d done, it might be too late now anyway.

Oh well, it’s not a big deal. I didn’t need to put on an act or try to please anyone. I’d just be myself and not try to suck up more than I need to.

After finishing my meal like usual, I soaked the dishes in water. Then, I called out to my mother who was still sitting in her chair, and went out to the courtyard.

“Huff! Huff! Huff!”

Marie was swinging her sword with great intensity. She was performing vertical, diagonal, and thrusting movements. Whether stepping forward or staying in place, she kept up with the form.

She was so focused that she didn’t even notice my presence.

It was hard to believe that she’s only nine years old, yet she’s swinging her sword with such concentration and devotion.

It hit me hard, and I felt a tightness in my chest.

Marie was too single-minded. Even if she knew people around her were worried, she wouldn’t stop.

I moved closer to her and silently watched her practice.

While I was studying magic, she watched over me, so I wanted to do the same for her.

For about two hours, she continued with her warm-up and then started running. She ran at a considerable speed until noon, sweating and panting heavily.

Finally, she came to a stop.

“Haa… Haa… Haa!”

It was a determined breath, filled with an intense atmosphere.

The air she exuded was not like that of a child. It was the air of someone pushing themselves to the limit.

Watching my sister, I was filled with indescribable feelings.

I know that to become strong, training is necessary. And the more rigorous the training, the faster the growth, and the higher one can reach.

But my sister looked like she was in pain. I couldn’t bear to watch. Still, I didn’t look away.

I always wanted to be by her side and support her. But letting her what she’s doing wouldn’t help her. If I cared about her, I had to stop her.

Thinking that, I approached her.

“Mar—”

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When I tried to talk, she turned around and her eyes locked onto mine, piercing me with their clarity. I was at a loss for words and stood frozen in place.

“What?” she asked, her displeasure evident. Normally, she was much kinder. But when it came to sword training or talking about swordsmanship, she became like this.

Once, I had suggested that she stop training. Since then, there had been a subtle distance between us. It wasn’t hostile, but things weren’t the same as before.

I felt like something was nagging at me, and it seemed like we were keeping our distance. I didn’t like it. She’s important to me, and I wanted to be there for her and support her. Because of that, I thought she should take a break from sword training.

Then it me.

Why did I tell her to stop? I…

Me?

Am I the one who “ignored her feelings,” even though I was supposed to be on her side?

“Marie, sorry.” I said, immediately apologizing.

“What?”

“I’m sorry,” I said, hanging my head and begging for her forgiveness.

“For what?”

“For ignoring your feelings. I’m sorry. I acted like I knew better and gave advice without considering them. I wasn’t on your side.”

Marie had always been on my side. Despite my obsession with dubious things like magic, she always helped me and supported me.

But why didn’t I support and understand her feelings? I admonished her, acted superior to her, and judged her.

Who do I think I am?

Overdoing things can be harmful to the body. I know that. Sometimes it’s important for those around you to intervene and help you stop. But what I did wasn’t quite like that.

I’m not an adult, nor am I a parent. I’m her little brother—her staunch ally.

Even if she was wrong, I should’ve walked with her.

When she was going through a tough time, I should have gone through it with her.

When she was sad, I should have been there for her.

And when others rejected her, I should have stood by her and support her.

That’s what my sister did for me. She trusted me without denying the existence of magic, even if it might not exist. Throughout it all, she continued to support me while taking my feelings into consideration.

And what did I do? I spoke words that undermined all the kindness she had shown me until then.

I was acting foolishly without even realizing it. I felt frustrated with my own foolishness. It wouldn’t matter if she hated me, I thought. But…

“No, that’s not it. Don’t worry about it, Theon”

I immediately looked up at my sister’s words.

“But you’ve always been supporting me, but I…”

“Sure, I did think about that a bit. Why won’t Theon be on my side? But I also thought that what you’re saying wasn’t wrong, and that’s okay. It’s fine.”

It wasn’t good. In fact, it was pretty bad. But it didn’t seem to bother her much. Well, she was definitely worried, but she kept it to herself. I knew I had to reflect on the situation.

“Then, why…”

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I wasn’t sure what to say. Asking ‘why are you angry?’ didn’t seem quite right. After all, she wasn’t angry, and she hadn’t been avoiding me or acting differently than usual.

She seemed to sense my confusion and responded with a sigh.

“Theon, It’s not your fault. I’m just… jealous.”

“Jealous?”

“I’m your older sister, so I always felt like I had to protect you, Theon. That’s why I’ve always been on your side and trained with the sword. I thought I had the confidence to fight against monsters and protect you if something happened. But when it came down to it, I froze. I was so scared that my legs were shaking and I couldn’t do anything. And then… What happened to our mother… Ah, I…”

Trembling, she hugged herself tightly.

It’s understandable to be traumatized, and feeling scared and helpless was a natural response. While she was able to act normally after that incident, she couldn’t forget the fear she experienced. It’s hard to imagine anyone remaining unaffected after facing such a grotesque monster.

“I thought I was going to die. But Mom saved me, and I was so confused that I couldn’t even comprehend what was happening. All I could do was scream. If it weren’t for you, Theon, we would have all died. I was relieved to be alive, but at the same time I couldn’t help feeling guilty for Mom’s sake. Above all, I was angry with myself for being powerless. And I couldn’t forgive myself for having to rely on you, who I’d always thought of as someone I should protect.”

“Do you hate me now…?” I asked her.

My sister shook her head frantically and approached me.

“No, of course not! Theon, you’re my little brother and I’ve always loved you, and always will. It’s not you that I couldn’t forgive, it’s myself. Even though I love you, I’m still envious of your strength. And my own weakness… It’s frustrating to feel this way, and I hate myself for it. I want to be strong too, so that I can feel more confident.”

When I looked closely, her hands were stained red. How long had she been holding the sword? It must have been intensely painful, but she didn’t show it.

“So that’s why you’ve been continuing your training…”

“Yea, I know that doing this will only harm my body and worry everyone. But I can’t calm down if I just sit still and keep thinking about that day. Whenever I see you, I can’t help but feel envious, and I really want to rid myself of this feeling.”

“Marie…”

Is she just a child? No, children have their own troubles and approach life with just as much seriousness as adults.

I had forgotten that.

When I was younger, I didn’t view life as seriously. But I still had my own worries and faced difficult times.

Marie, who was just nine years old, had already been accumulating various thoughts and was struggling to come to terms with reality. Her bravery and innocence struck a chord with me.

I pulled her towards me with all my strength. Naturally, I hugged her tightly, pouring out all the emotions I was feeling.

“T-Theon…?”

“I’m sorry for not noticing,” I said, realizing that I’d failed to understand her thoughts despite knowing that she was worried. “I’m sorry, Marie. I’m supposed to be on your side, but I wasn’t.”

She was still taller than me, but the height difference wasn’t as big as it used to be. I buried my face in her chest and hugged her tightly, while she put her arms around my back and held me as if clinging to me. I felt her thoughts coming through, as if she was pouring out her emotions to me.

“Sorry, Theon… I know I was being difficult. I hope you can forgive me.”

“It’s okay,” I assured her. “If something happens, you can talk to me about it. I’ll be there for you.”

Marie hugged me without saying anything. We both knew that it didn’t matter if you were a child or an adult—everyone faced their own struggles and challenges in life. That was something I had realized after being reincarnated.

I couldn’t see her face, but I could hear her muffled sobs, which expressed her emotions louder than words ever could.

We sought solace in each other’s embrace, holding tightly and seeking comfort from the warmth of our bodies.

We spent time like that, in silence, until we both felt a sense of calm and peace.

●○●○

Marie stopped practicing excessively.

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She started taking regular breaks and finishing her practice before evening.

It’s a significant change from when she used to practice from early morning until sunset, and all the way until dinner. My parents seemed relieved.

The subtle distance between us disappeared, and we went back to our usual relationship. Well, actually, it’s quite different to say the least.

“Here, Theon, say ‘ahhh’.”

We were at the dinning table, and Marie sat next to me, beaming with a spoonful of stew, directed towards me.

I glanced at my parents sitting across from us to see their reactions.

Mother was smiling, but her hand holding the fork was frozen, and she stared at us. Father, on the other hand, was in shock, with his mouth hanging open.

It made sense. Even though we were close before, there was always a certain distance between us. We’re just a normal siblings. But somehow, we ended up in this situation where she was feeding me, and I was eating in front of our parents. They must be thinking, “What’s going on here?”

And it’s actually happening!

My feelings were complicated. I couldn’t put them into words. I just thought, “Oh, come on! What is this?”

“…Say ‘ahhh,’ Theon! Come on, say it…”

My sister’s smile slowly turned into a look of someone on the verge of tears.

This was bad. If I didn’t eat, my sister would cry and become upset. She was quite childish, stubborn, and selfish in this regard.

But was it really necessary to do this “ahhh” thing in front of our parents? It was so embarrassing; I felt like I was going to die.

But I couldn’t leave her hanging. I reluctantly put the spoon in my mouth without looking at my parents.

After swallowing the stew, I immediately looked down.

“Is it good? Hey, Theon, is it good?”

“Uh, yeah. It’s good.”

“Really?! Hehe, I helped with today’s cooking, too.”

“Uh, yeah, I know.”

She’s a talented and capable person. She occasionally helped with cooking and was able to do all kinds of household chores.

Today, she was cooking very seriously, and I finally understood why. But why did it end up like this? Was it because of that? Maybe it was because of that thing yesterday? That was just within the realm of interaction between siblings, right? However, before that, I had already confessed my feelings to my sister. No, that’s not even the issue here.

My head was already spinning, and I couldn’t understand anything anymore. I couldn’t even grasp my own emotions. My thoughts were scattered, and my head felt like it was overheating.

So, I stopped thinking.

“Here, Theon. Say ahhh.”

“Ahhh!”

I threw away my emotions and continued eating. Yeah, it’s delicious! I don’t care anymore! Let’s just think of my sister’s “ahh” as a reward!

Without paying attention to our parents’ reactions, we continued to be affectionate with each other.

Don’t think about it. If I think too much, I’ll die of anger. That’s why I shouldn’t think.

I disciplined myself like that and devoted myself to the meal.

By the way, that continued for a week, and we finally received a lecture from our father saying, “Stop it already!” It was a complicated feeling of both joy and sadness.

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