4. Clear Days

Over the next two years, I delved into the study of this world. My first step was to learn how to read and write the language, which sounded like Japanese, but the characters were different. While Marie began her studies at the age of five, I started when I was three, with the help of my mother as my teacher.

Our family, the Orensteins, had a long lineage and a relatively rich history. Both my Father and Mother received an aristocratic education and imparted their knowledge to us. It took me only six months to learn how to read and write easily, but it seemed that Marie would need more time.

Apart from reading and writing, I also acquired general knowledge, such as the necessary information for daily life, including the monetary system, basic law, geography, and history.

Our family lived in the Ettin region in the western part of the Lystia country. It’s a rural area with a small population, but the land was vast and suitable for agriculture.

I came to the realization that there’s no such thing as magic in this world, and the word itself didn’t even exist in their language. At first, I thought that my parents were unaware of its existence, but it seemed unlikely as my father had traveled to different countries and never encountered it. To my disappointment, my parents confirmed that there’s no magic anywhere in the world.

Despite this revelation, I couldn’t accept it and became obsessed with finding evidence of magic. For two years, I studied and searched relentlessly, hoping to prove its existence. However, I couldn’t find a single clue about it.

At the age of five, I started to lose my purpose in living. If I’d still been living in Japan, I might have aimlessly lived my life and found average happiness. However, being reincarnated into another world, I decided to embark on a new path in life, not because of any regrets, but simply due to my disappointment with my previous life.

I began to have hope in my new world, believing that I might have the ability to use magic. However, that hope was shattered, not once but twice.

If there’s someone who’s also been reincarnated and was able to enjoy and look forward to their new life, please tell me how they managed to do it. Even if I’m reborn, I’d still be still myself, with memories of my past life, even though I started as a newborn.

To truly live, one needs to have hope and purpose, as without them, even with a new start, it’s challenging to find the motivation to live the life to the fullest. Despite being reincarnated, all that remains were the memories of what I’ve built in my past life.

Death marks the end of one’s life, not the beginning of a new one. Even if there’s a life after death, I couldn’t start afresh without my past experiences shaping my identity. I was still the same person, the same dreamer that I always was.

Once I understood that I couldn’t learn magic, I became lethargic. I lost all motivation, and before I knew it, I was just wandering aimlessly. I rarely initiated conversations.

As I was watching my older sister run around in the courtyard, I noticed that she hadn’t changed much physically, and still doing the same things at seven years old.

Meanwhile, in the past two years, I’d grown significantly taller and my body had become more capable, but what did that really mean? It seemed like just a small convenience. Nothing to be particularly happy about.

“Uoooo! Hyaaaaa!”

Marie was bursting with energy.

Lately, she’d been practicing with a wooden sword. It seemed that her current obsession was swordsmanship.

Our Father believed that it’s important for a girl to know how to use a sword in case of emergency, and he occasionally gave her pointers to help her improve. Perhaps, in this place, it’s not expected for girls to be demure. Or maybe it’s just my Father’s way of thinking.

I lacked the energy to play with her, so I sat at the edge of the courtyard, observing her from afar. I felt content to simply stay still and watch her play.

What am I doing?

As I let out a deep sigh, Marie came running over, full of energy.

“I’ve gotten a lot faster, right?” She exclaimed.

“Yeah, you have,” I replied.

“I’ll become even faster and stronger, just watch me!”

“Okay, do your best.”

“Of course I will!”

I wondered what drove her to be so determined. But perhaps that’s just how kids were, living in the moment and following their emotions. It seemed impossible for me.

“Alright, I’m going!” she shouted before dashing off again.

It’d been like this for a while now, ever since she’s three years old. If we were in Japan, she might have become a track and field athlete, but there’s no such thing in this world.

Hmm? Where’d she go?

I had no idea.

●○●○

As we all gathered around the dining table, I found myself chewing my food absent-mindedly. The taste didn’t bother me as much anymore, and I thought that it’s not really worth worrying about. While I was eating in silence, the rest of the family continued their conversation.

“Anyway, how’s your study, Marie? Are you making progress?” Father asked.

“I’ve been doing my best with both swordsmanship and studying!” She replied, sounding confident.

Father looked at Mom, seemingly inquiring her thought.

“Well, she’s certainly trying her best.”

“I see, so she’s working hard, huh?” He replied with a hint of skepticism in his voice.

Marie seemed oblivious to the tone, but I could tell that Father wasn’t completely convinced.

Despite her efforts, studying didn’t seem to come naturally to her. Although she’d learned the basics of reading, writing, and arithmetic, I’d made far more progress than she had. In fact, it’s clear to me that her mind wasn’t as well suited for academic endeavors as her body was for physical pursuits. Her talents lay in her physical abilities.

“What about you, Theon?” Father asked me.

I didn’t have the energy to respond, so I remained silent, but my heart ached as I saw my father’s troubled expression.

“Theon’s incredibly smart for his age,” said my Mother.

“Really?! My son’s a genius!” Father exclaimed with laughter.

Marie puffed up her cheeks as she looked at our laughing parents. “I’m a genius too!” she declared.

But I wondered if that’s really true. I wasn’t a genius either. I could only do what I did because I had the memories of an adult. After all, I could do three-digits calculations at the middle school level, but that’s only arithmetic. If that’s all it took, then maybe I was a genius.

Furthermore, remembering historical facts and being able to read and write were just a matter of memorization. It’s easy for someone who’d survived the entrance exam battles in my previous life. However, if I had to start from scratch with spoken language, I thought it would’ve been a struggle.

“Ahaha, of course you are, Marie!”

“Ehehe, right?!” She quickly regained her spirits and smiled contentedly.

What a wonderful family. Everyone’s so kind.

Despite the constant care, encouragement, and protection, I struggled to fit in. I knew they’re waiting for me to open up. Despite knowing all this, I found myself spending the time aimlessly. Even though I was probably the oldest, my mind and body were the most childish.

It’s pathetic.

This can’t continue. I realized it’s time to give up my longing for magic, and face this boring reality.