Side Story 6 – A Servant’s Recollection

“Well, well ~ I see you made it back in one piece.”

“You never thought of giving me any help, didn’t you?”

I returned to my room and was immediately greeted by Rona, who sighed in admiration after he saw me. As I berated him, he awkwardly turned his gaze away.

“I’ve never seen senpai made that kind of face.”

Well, me neither.

“The way she said ‘it’s an order’…”

“I got excited from hearing that, both in a good way and in a bad way.”

“I’m not sure I could relate to being excited in a good way after hearing that.”

That was the first time she ever gave me an order after all, of course, I got excited. I’m aware that she’s been consciously refraining from giving out orders to me.

It would’ve been nice if her first order was something more romantic. Anyway, when I asked her why exactly did she give me that kind of order, she blushed and whispered this to me.

“Because I know that Ashley wouldn’t mind if I were to act like that for a moment. Besides… I wanted to do that kind of thing at least once before we graduated… I mean… we wouldn’t get another chance after we graduate…”

I almost screamed on the spot. I wanted to praise myself for enduring that urge. When I heard that, I was so excited that I almost pushed her down to the ground.

Master gave us conditions before he allowed us to be together. They weren’t harsh conditions, instead, they were made to ensure our happiness. Firstly, he said he want grandchildren before we passed a certain age, also, separation or divorce is banned. Next, for us to be wed after I graduate from school. Ojou-sama was confused about this condition, but I understood his intentions.

In short, the name Aldington is really attractive to other nobles. If we failed to be wed quickly, other nobles wouldn’t restrain themselves to try and force themselves to marry her.

She asked whether it’s okay or not to be wed that early, but since she is a noble lady with a lover and aimed for marriage with her lover, it really doesn’t matter if she were to be wed early or not. Besides, we’ll live in the same house either way, so nothing will really change. Also, even if we were to be wed… we’ll still probably refrain ourselves from doing it… for a while…

“Well, in the end, her order wasn’t really that different from her usual requests.”

*   *   *

When my parents died, Viscount Aldington took me in.

The one who became my ‘owner’ was Ojou-sama, Cecille Aldington.

Since I had nowhere else to go, I was forced to stay at the Viscount’s house, even if it meant being forced to live a miserable life as a servant. Originally, I thought that in the end, I would still be lonely anyway, my life would be oppressed, treated like a sl*ve, similar to how the village head treated his servants.

But everything was out of my expectations. The person who became my master, her family, and even the other servants treated me like their family.

At first, I closed my heart, I didn’t tell them anything, the fact that I was afraid of being treated like a slave, and other thoughts that I had. But my master gave me ‘freedom’. She told me to live freely, to follow my own will, and not to blindly follow her like a sl*ve. I was given the right to refuse her requests and orders. Yet somehow, I always wished to obey everything she ever asked me.

Cecille Aldington was a strange person, yet she was also kind. She even went as far as shedding tears for me, who was supposed to be her servant.

Time passed and when I was seven, I realized that the feeling I had for her was different from the ordinary loyalty. If it was, I wouldn’t have been annoyed at the thought of her hanging out around boys her age, even though they were her relatives. She did nothing wrong, of course, but I still couldn’t control my emotions as my possessiveness toward her grew. Don’t come near my master. Don’t touch her. Don’t smile at her. I would berate her relatives inwardly for their lack of manners toward her.

I dared to do that mainly because I was confident that Cecille Aldington will never abandon me, even if I misbehaved somehow.

But things shouldn’t stay this way forever. I thought of that as I made up my mind. That was why, in the same year…

“I love you.”

I told her.

And I realized, at that moment…

“I love you too!”

She smiled and hugged me. 

“I’ve always wanted a little brother like you!”

I realized that this girl wasn’t so easy to deal with.

“I’m more capable than you both physically and academically even though you’re older. Why am I the one who should be taken care of by you?”

For the first time in my life, I confessed my love to her. It was a failure.

After we grew up to some extent, the difference between our statuses was finally turning into an obstacle. But, it was too late for me to back down. Besides, everything was going on fine. Master wasn’t very attached to his Viscount title, and his marriage was a marriage born from love, it was unlikely that he would object to me marrying his daughter by flaunting his status around. Then the offer of him adopting me came. That was the thing that made me convinced. As long as I could make Ojou-sama love me back, everything would work out.

When she entered school, I was a little bit anxious about it, but I convinced myself that I’ll be fine away from her for a while. And I did, but only in the beginning.

I had never been away from her for more than two days, and five days was the limit for me. I managed to hold on from reading the letters she sent to me, but if back then I didn’t receive a letter after six days of waiting, I would personally go to the school and check on her myself.

But in the end, I couldn’t take it anymore, so during the second month, I ended up going to the school to check on her. Me and the Master both, since he also had never been away from her for more than three days even when he was busy with his work.

Though before that, we went on exterminating some bugs. Me and Master worked on getting rid of some of them, but there were some of the bugs who we weren’t able to touch due to their father’s position. There were also some of them that were related to the royal family, but they were only a little bit harder to get rid of.

I couldn’t help but think of what it would be like once I got over those difficult days and entered the school.

By the way, apparently, Ojou-sama had made some close friends from the opposite s*x.

Ahh, seriously, what am I doing? I’m just a mere servant, someone they picked up off a random street.

I wonder if she would forgive me for being so jealous? Would she forgive me for loving her so badly that I might not be able to restrain myself from hurting her? Well, I’m sure she would, she’s kind after all.

Sometimes, I was afraid of my own thoughts, but eventually, I grew to not care about it.

I want her.

I don’t want her to be taken away from me.

I miss her.

I want her.

I love her.

If she can’t be mine, I might as well just…

Kill her.

There were times when I even wished that I had never met her. If I hadn’t met her, I wouldn’t have been afraid of this dark part of me that was screaming to hurt her. At this rate, I wouldn’t be able to control myself.

Don’t touch her

Don’t let anyone touch her.

She’s mine.

She’s my master.

She’s mine.

She’s my one and only.

Please don’t take her away from me.

I wonder to whom did I say ‘Don’t take her away from me’ for?

Was it toward the men who approached her? Or was it toward myself?

Dear my Ojou-sama.

Do you know?

The beast inside me is well and alive.

I was loved and yet I still felt insecure somewhere deep in my heart. We both love each other and I was closer to her than anyone else, but I’d still feel jealous and act maliciously toward her. I was a flawed servant who would someday hurt my master.

Even so. If I could just take a glimpse of her lovely eyes… If she ever requested me to do something, ordered me to do something, I will, without fail, regain my reason. After all, if I can’t do that, she’ll surely abandon me.

*   *   *

Originally, I never liked flowers. But, there was one particular flower that my mother loved, so I found myself looking at it often. As I grew with her, I became more and more attached to it to the point that I inherited my mom’s hobby to tend to the flowers.

The first flower I ever grew with Ojou-sama was the favorite flower of her mother, the sunflower. Whenever it bloomed, Ojou-sama would smile happily while looking at the fallen petals, scooping them and raising them up in the sun.

“When you hold it up to the sun, they seem like they have the same color, huh?”

She combed my hair with her free hand while smiling in a way not befitting of a child.

“Sunflowers are Ashley’s color, aren’t they?”

If she actually understood what she was saying, then that was a really killer line. But, there was no way she could have known that. Even I had just learned about what those words actually meant.

I will only ever think of you.

“Ojou… Cecille, when you graduate, I will send you flowers.”

“Not before I graduate instead?”

We were on our way back to the dormitory as she looked up at me with amusement.

“Why don’t you learn the language of the flowers while you are waiting?”

“Ara? You’re gonna give me a gift based on the language of the flowers? Alright, that might be a fun thing to do, looking up the meaning of the flowers when I receive it.”

The graduation ceremony would be in early summer. The flowers would bloom sometime around that time, I hope.

.

Dear Cecille Aldington.

All my life, I’ll only ever think of you.