Episode 34: The Lonely Princess
"...Do you remember when you first met me?" (Thomas)
"...You told me to 'dress less conspicuously'." (Anise)
"Did you know that my heart stopped when you first came here looking like that?" (Thomas)
"I'm sorry!" (Anise)
"Do you think an apology would make up for all the rumors?" (Thomas)
I ran away from the detached palace, only to come to the Gana Workshop still dressed in my royal attire. Thomas nearly had a stroke since I basically jumped him. Understandably, he was very angry.
Honestly though, I don't have the leisure to care about Thomas. My nose was burning, and the inside of my eyes was still hot. If I'm not careful, I feel like I might let out something I don't understand, like a child.
As I sat curled up on my knees in the corner of the workshop trying to hold back something I couldn't control, Thomas let out an exasperated sigh.
"Go back to..." (Thomas)
"Isn't this where you're supposed to comfort me!?" (Anise)
"Shut up. I don't need you getting me into trouble. And this reeks of trouble." (Thomas)
"You're not nice! I'm a princess! You should help me!" (Anise)
"Then should I go and report that the princess is hiding out in this filthy place?" (Thomas)
"I'm sorry! I was selfish!" (Anise)
I really don't want to be brought back now. I mean, I caused a big commotion, didn't I? The knights who usually do their best to stop me ended up looking confused when they saw me crying.
I think I've just caused Euphie a lot of trouble. But, when I remember Euphie's face, I can't help but want to die. My heart is in pain, I feel like crying, and I can't help but sniffle. Then, I hear Thomas's tongue lash out.
"...Ugh, so annoying." (Thomas)
"...You're terrible." (Anise)
"You're the one who's terrible. It's nothing but a tragedy, a royal running into a commoner's workshop crying." (Thomas)
"Sorry..." (Anise)
It certainly is a tragedy... Truly, just depressing...
"...Ah, no more. Don't apologize. So... what happened?" (Thomas)
"You're going to listen to me?" (Anise)
"You talk, then you leave." (Thomas)
"Yeah..." (Anise)
As expected, I can't stay long in the store. I ran into the store crying; that's bound to cause misunderstandings. If rumors got out, it would be bad for Thomas. Actually, it might be too late. Really, what I am doing?
Still feeling depressed, I explained what happened to Thomas. I've complained a lot to Thomas before, but this is probably the first time I've whined to him. I don't usually breakdown this much...
And now I just felt lonely. Yet, I didn't want anyone to touch me. It was such a complicated feeling. That's why I'm so grateful that Thomas just sat there and listened to me.
Ever since Al-kun was disowned, I just assumed I was going to take the throne. But then Euphie said she wanted to become queen. When she told me it was okay for me to be free and pursue my dreams, I couldn't help it and broke down.
"...So, I ran away. Why did I run away? I really don't know... For the first time... I don't understand myself; I'm just going in circles, feeling sick..." (Anise)
All these contradictory feelings are just floating through my head; everything is just so hazy right now. (1) All I can do is crouch down and hold my knees, but I don't want to do that.
"I see. Then go home." (Thomas)
"...You're terrible." (Anise)
"You said you were leaving." (Thomas)
"I don't want to go home." (Anise)
"Why not?" (Thomas)
"I don't know." (Anise)
"You're lying." (Thomas)
"I'm not lying!" (Anise)
"You're just scared. That's the only reason you're running away." (Thomas)
"...Scared?" (Anise)
I ran away because I was scared? What even. That's the only reason?
"Is it really that simple?" (Anise)
"I don't know any other reason you'd being doing this." (Thomas)
"Why is that?" (Anise)
"If a someone asked me to give them my future, I would be terrified. Cutting ties with their family, following a path they know is difficult, there's a heavy weight of commitment. It's even heavier when they say it's for the sake of your dreams." (Thomas)
...Her resolve is that heavy, huh? That's right. Euphie's resolve is heavy. Looking back, I could see why I was surprised.
"...Thomas, you know..." (Anise)
"What?" (Thomas)
"...Do you think I'm a fool?" (2) (Anise)
"Why would I?" (Thomas)
"Because I'm the Anne-Sophia Wynn Palette, you know? I'm the one who would charge at demons, saying it's for the sake of materials, and even go fighting dragons by myself, but I... ran away." (Anise)
Euphie's declaration was well-meaning. Her words were for me. And yet, I ran away. I was scared, I was surprised, and I couldn't take it. I couldn't say anything.
"No. In that situation, it'd be natural to run away." (Thomas)
Thomas's reply is so unexpected that I jerk my head up.
"Why?" (Anise)
"...Because you, Anise, are only able to accept personal losses. For example, if a dragon appeared now, would you go alone to fight it?" (Thomas)
"...I wouldn't." (Anise)
"Why not?" (Thomas)
"...I'm not in such a hurry for materials right now. Besides, I'm the only one left to inherit the throne." (Anise)
I'm aware. If I were to die in single combat with a dragon right now, it would be a disaster. That's why I can't do reckless things anymore. Until now, I had Al-kun. Because Al-kun was there, I didn't have to worry about the throne succession, even if I died.
But it's different now. I'm the next ruler. There's no one else but me. Without me, the country would undergo civil strife, and people would be sure to die under such instability.
"If it was just you, that's fine. But you can't stand the thought of other people's lives being lost because of you. Until now, you've just been thinking Prince Algarde would be able to take over, even if you died, right?" (Thomas)
"..." (Anise)
"But that's not the case with Lady Euphilia. The only thing she wants is for your dream to come true. If you accept, you'll gain so much. But, in return, she'll lose so many things." (Thomas)
"It's scary. I just... can't confidently say that I'm worth it." (Anise)
"That's right. It's something no one has said to you before. Who else would tell you to 'prioritize your dreams over your royal duties'?" (Thomas)
...Yes, that's right. That's why I'm scared. Because I'm royalty. Nothing was more important. I want to be recognized. I want people to see me. But... I'm afraid of what Euphie might lose.
It's true that I want people to accept who I am. That's not a lie. But, I don't want trade someone else's life for my own. I knew it wouldn't happen.
"I didn't ask her... to do that." (Anise)
"...It... might have been me who caused it." (Thomas)
"...Huh? Did you say something to Euphie the other day?" (Anise)
Thomas awkwardly scratched his cheek... Then again, would Euphie make her mind just because she was told something by Thomas? No, it was probably just a trigger. Euphie must've thought a lot about it before making a decision. It's not easy to make a decision just because someone directed you to it.
That's proven by her eyes. Her eyes made it seem like she really struggled over the decision. I think that's why I became overwhelmed. To the point where I wanted to run away.
"...What unnecessary thing did you say?" (Anise)
"I told her that you weren't suitable to be a ruler." (Thomas)
"What do you mean?" (Anise)
"You know what I'm talking about, don't you? It's no longer Anise-sama who's crying in the workshop right now—it's currently 'Her Highness Princess Anne-Sophia Winn Palette'." (Thomas)
A voice of agony unintentionally leaked out. He poked me where it hurts.
It's true that royalty wouldn't cry in a place like this. In the first place, royalty doesn't cry. They would freeze their hearts before they cried. They don't need tears. Yet, I'm crying now. If I freeze my heart, I wouldn't have to cry.
"If 'Anise-sama' truly accepted being a royal, Anise-sama wouldn't come here anymore, she wouldn't do stupid things, and she wouldn't laugh." (Thomas)
"...It disgusts me. Stealing someone else's lines." (Anise)
"I'll gladly steal them... Algarde was in your position, wasn't he? Hm... Back then, I hadn't heard anything of a queen." (Thomas)
Thomas said this in frustration... It was so kind that I regretted it. But it made me happy. That's why I'm so hateful with my mouth.
"I just didn't have 'it'. I couldn't act 'royal'. But Al-kun was suffering. It couldn't be helped." (Anise) (3)
"I don't know what you want me to say." (Thomas)
"You don't have to say anything." (Anise)
"Then don't cry. I won't say anything else. If you want to cry, do it somewhere else. What comfort is there in a commoner's words?" (Thomas)
I can't...
I'm just happy to have Thomas tell me I'm unsuitable to be queen. That's all there is to it. It's because Thomas can't do anything about this situation. He has no reason to. Even if he did, it wouldn't amount to anything. That's why he doesn't. That's why he has my trust.
I believe in Thomas, a blacksmith who's blunt, curt, and who's only good with his arms. I asked him because I thought that he was somewhat like me. That was the beginning of our relationship. There isn't any warmth here. It isn't a relationship where we comfort each other.
"...Sorry. And thanks. I was a bit out of myself. I'm leaving." (Anise)
"Yeah." (Thomas)
"Sorry for interrupting your work." (Anise)
"Oh. I'll be waiting... for the next job. Also, if you're going out, at least put on a robe. You'll stand out." (Thomas)
"...Yeah." (Anise)
I received a robe, still unclear on how I was going to reply, and snuck back towards the royal palace. To be honest, I was dragging my feet.
I am afraid. The things Thomas pointed out to me linger in my head. There isn't a need for Euphie to sacrifice herself. I feel this from the bottom of my heart. After all, she is no longer the next queen. She's not bound to Al-kun. There isn't any reason for her to take my place.
I don't know why. I really don't know. Why did Euphie say she didn't want me to be queen? What good will chasing my dreams do?
Will it be good for the people? Well, if my research is fruitful, it might. But if Euphie tries to embrace magicology without major changes to the current state of politics, it will be difficult and time-consuming for it to be accepted.
My dream was for me alone. The spillage just happened to benefit the people, but the magic was for me. A beacon for me, who lacks magic.
"...Don't say I have value." (Anise)
Don't tell me now. I don't know what to do. Don't say it.
Could you take it back when we meet again? Tell me it was a joke? Then we can laugh at how bad Euphie is at jokes.
My calm side knows it's impossible, that she's serious. And... that calm part of me... it clearly sees the advantages of Euphie taking the crown. It's so unbearably annoying.
/////
There was no change in the palace. There was no scolding, even from the knights on shift. They just let me in without a peep.
No one spoke to me. They just looked from afar, as if I were some sort of fragile flower (4). What's the matter with them. Everyone's always looked at me like some problem child. Why are you now looking at me like something pitiful?
I was told to become ruler, so it can't be helped. Because I'm royalty. I'm royalty, I'm royalty, I'm royalty. Because I'm royalty!!
"I am royalty." (Anise)
So, it can't be helped.
I chant these words in my mind, over and over and over. Let's give up. I have to give up. If I just give up and stop thinking, I can endure it. Ah, that's right. I shouldn't leave any half-hearted regrets.
I need to get comfortable as soon as possible. It's like walking through water. I feel like I can't breathe. Still, I won't stop walking. There isn't any way to stop; I've been told to do so for so long, and I can't run away now.
"—Anise-sama." (Euphie)
I realized that the detached palace was just a stone's throw away.
Euphie was standing at the entrance.
"...Euphie." (Anise)
"Welcome back." (Euphie)
I wonder if they've been waiting for me ever since I fled.
I don't know what to think of their calm expressions. I feel my legs trembling. Still, they move. Just ignore it. I repeat this in my mind.
I slip past Euphie and enter the detached palace. At that moment, Euphie hugs me from behind.
"You probably don't want to show your face, so let's just stay like this. If you really want to leave, just shake me off." (Euphie)
"...E... Euphie." (Anise)
"...Mm. Good." (Euphie)
"Good? Are you laughing at my absurdity?" (Anise)
"I'm glad that you're mad at me." (Euphie)
...What's that. He said it was good that I'm mad at her.
"I'm so glad I was able to scare you. I would've had to have gotten more motivated if it wasn't enough." (Euphie)
"...What do you want? Are you trying to make me your enemy?" (Anise)
"Well, yes and no. I certainly wanted to make you angry. Rather, I wish you wouldn't freeze your heart. I don't want to be your enemy but your equal. If I think you're making a mistake, I will do my best to admonish you." (Euphie)
Mistake...? Euphie's words made me so angry that I shook off her arm and swung around to face her.
"Wrong... What's wrong!? Freezing my heart? You don't understand! That's what a ruler does! A ruler who can't freeze their heart, who can't be fair, is no better than a dictator! That's just tyranny!" (Anise)
"Then you will become a tyrant. As a vassal, I have a duty to prevent that." (Euphie)
"...!" (Anise)
"How can you be sure that you won't? You understand. You can't abandon your longing. No matter how hard you try to block it out, you can't. If you think this is disrespectful, you may cut off my head. Thank you." (Euphie)
"Did you think that I would nod if you used your life as a shield?" (Anise)
"No, no. It's just that I, the daughter of a duke, could not be forgiven for reprimanding the royal family with such a shallow idea." (Euphie)
Euphie is blunt. She's not shaken. She took a step forward, and I realize I took a step back.
"I decided that I would protect your heart, even at the cost of my life. I decided to reach out to you, whom no one else could reach." (Euphie)
"...Heavy. It's so heavy. Who asked you to do that? I didn't ask you to do that! I didn't ask for it!" (Anise)
"But, you've come to the point where you can't cry anymore, right? Algarde is gone. You are the only one. It's because you're the only one. If that's truly the case, then I'll have to overturn this situation if I want to wipe away your tears." (Euphie)
"I'm not crying. I'm not crying! I gave up long ago! I gave up on this when Al-kun was gone! I hoped it wouldn't come to that! I prayed! Until then, I didn't care how much people ridiculed me. Rather, it was convenient. I was slightly angry, but that was it. That was where it ended! No one expected anything from me! No one had any expectations!" (Anise)
No matter how many magical tools I made, I could never bury my need for magic.
I told myself it was okay not to be accepted, because I didn't have anyone expecting anything of me. It was enough to have someone who understood. That was enough. I wanted it to be enough.
"I am! If you say I'm queen! If you say I'm fit to be king... admit it! My magic! I may not be like everyone else, but this is my magic! I found it; a magic that makes me happy!" (Anise)
--Magic is a wonderful power that makes everyone smile.
That's why I longed for it. I wanted to reach out. Once I knew it existed, I couldn't stop myself.
Even if I didn't have the gift of magic, I knew of things from beyond this world. If I could create it, it would be a magic that no one had done. It would be a magic that anyone could use.
I still think this. But it won't happen. The structure of this country; the history of this country does not allow it. I am confident that I would be able to make everyone admit it. But... I created magic to make everyone happy, yet all I can do is turn it into a source of conflict!
I know it! That everyone can't be happy! There will always be misfortune hidden behind happiness! Making everyone happy is a pipe dream! ...Even so, I can't live without dreaming.
"...I understand. I know. I know the value of your dreams. I know because you've kept me by your side. I would've never thought of it. I wouldn't have known of the richness and splendor that comes from having magic available to the common people, to all." (Euphie)
Stop...
"You surely should have been queen, more than anyone else. Even if I, the daughter of a duke, with all my talent, would not have been able to reach for it. Because you have a magic unique to you. But this country won't forgive you. Not yet. But... it's because you walk alone. And... I am willing to use my life as a shield to protect your dream." (Euphie)
Don't say it.
"You don't have to do it alone. There is someone who can take your place. If you want to freeze your heart, I'll be there. I won't let you give up. If the title of king binds you, I will take your place. So... please don't give up on your dreams by killing your heart." (Euphie) (5)
It was so hard to breathe that I didn't realize the distance had shrunk between us. I bit my lip so hard that it seemed as if I would burst out for no reason.
She held my hand. This time, she didn't let me get away. The hand I shook off grabbed them again.
"I am here. Here, by your heart's side. I am with you more than anyone else. Sharing your dreams." (Euphie)
"You can't say that. What if you fail?" (Anise)
"Then I will be by your side as your confidant. I'll show you that I'm just as good as Father." (Euphie)
"If you find yourself hating it, you won't be able to escape." (Anise)
"At that time, show me your dreams as many times as you wish. With your dreams, I'll be able to fly as far as I want. With your magic by my side." (Euphie)
"You'll lose your place in your family." (Anise)
"A king is one who leads and loves all his people. The relationship will change, but the love will not." (Euphie)
"Did you think I would be happy and say yes?" (Anise)
"No... I knew it would be heartbreaking." (Euphie)
A hand not belonging to me slides over my chest, tracing its fingers across my chest.
"I'd rather bear wounds for the nation than the nation bear wounds for the king. I'd risk my life to bury such wounds. That's what I thought." (Euphie)
"...Euphie, are you actually a ridiculously confident person?" (Anise)
"Because I'm a duke's daughter. Even so, as someone second only to the royal family, it's still not enough. If I want to be a part of your dream, I need to be more." (Euphie)
"Don't say things that'd make the duke's daughters of the world cry." (Anise)
...Hurts. My heart hurts so much.
Because it's heavy, this kind of thing. It's as if I'm being offered a life. I know, but that's what being king is like. The weight of holding others' lives.
But it's something you can endure because you are ruler. It's something that only rulers can endure. That's why Euphie's life is heavy for me, who isn't a ruler.
"...I won't give up on becoming ruler. It's my duty." (Anise)
"Yes." (Euphie)
"...But you've decided to do it without my help, right?" (Anise)
"Yes." (Euphie)
"Then I'll have to keep an eye on you. Because now, you are a vassal. It can't be helped." (Anise)
"I know." (Euphie)
"...I can't pay anything back if you lose everything." (Anise)
"I've already been paid." (Euphie)
Euphie's hands wrap around mine, lifting them up. We exchange glances as we lay our hands on each other as if praying in front of our chests.
"I hand dreams, I had a future, I had wishes, and now I am. You are like a shooting star who rescued me from my empty role that day and gave me light. You gave me something irreplaceable." (Euphie)
That day I was just doing a night flight test.
It was just a coincidence that I flew into the venue of the Noble's Academy.
I offered my hand to Euphie because I felt like it.
If you can believe that my magic was a coincident, then I sure that it was.
"...You're exaggerating, Euphie." (Anise)
I wonder if I could lean on you someday. I don't have the courage to do so now.
But, I want to hold your hand. That's all I want right now.
Our foreheads were pressed against our hands, which were piled up as if praying. Please don't let our hands separate.
/////
(1) (E/N: Original: "I'm going round and round with contradictory feelings that are not taking shape.")
(2) (E/N: Original: "Are you making fun of me?/Are you making a fool of me?")
(3) (E/N: Added "I couldn't act 'royal'." For context. I am unsure if this is totally accurate.)
(4) (E/N: "fragile flower" was originally "tumor" from DeepL and "swelling" from Google.)
(5) (E/N: Original: "Please don't give up on wanting to be king by killing your own self-worth.")
E/N: Sorry for the long... very long wait. I hopefully will start getting better at being consistent with translating. I hope to translate next week as well. As always, I'd appreciate it if any mistakes were pointed out so I can fix them. I hope y'all enjoyed the chapter.
Sponsored Content
