Shock

It was a average summer noon. Normally, I would be living a self-indulgent life without a single worry in the world, and yet, my heart was racing to the point it became painful. Despite me being at home sitting on my own bed, I’ve never felt so cornered in my entire life.

With the beginning of summer break, I started working part-time, where a classmate of mine prostrated herself on her knees right in front of me. Does that really happen? I didn’t think that my lecture—or argumentation? would result in that. Instead, I feel incredibly guilty now. Feel like going for some juicy Japanese harakiri. Not to mention that I could avoid my summer homework thanks to that.

‘—Sajocchi! Let’s go meet Aichi and Ai-chan later today!’

Even though I was filled with self-hate like that, Natsukawa and Ashida invited me to come over and play with them. This development was far too abrupt for me to even properly follow. Like, is this God telling me that I did something good? I feel like they’ll just bring out the cameras and tell me I’m being filmed on TV…

“…What should I wear?”

And despite thinking all of that, I was actually acting like a little girl before a date. Am I an ape? Probably. So far, I only spent my days chasing after Natsukawa, but going out on off-days like these only happened with the boys. Back then, I literally couldn’t care less as to what I was wearing. That just shows how different these guys are compared to Natsukawa. I miss my lousy jersey. I was never more thankful for a school to lend you clothes before. I’ll properly wash it another time.

—But, enough of that. This ain’t the time to be thankful, I gotta pick some good clothes. Come on now.

“…Hup…”

I opened up my closet. Just this once, the time when I was actually conscious about my looks really helped. I was trying my hardest to look stylish, and I even have some stylish clothes I can wear. Back then, I really went for the most stylish look, but…can I really wear this?

“Haha…No idea.”

Eh, I had stuff like this…?

*

After agonizing over it again and again, I finally came up with a combination I liked. It feels like it’s been ages since I went all out like this. This is what happens when you prioritize looking stylish, hehe. My entire body is wrapped in a modern times style. A dowel t-shirt with sarouel pants, that should do it. There’s no opening here to find. Walking around like this would definitely get me praised by even the most stylish Onee-san, with something along the lines of ‘That person is so stylish~ Leaving aside his face’…Yeah, maybe there is an opening.

At times like these, it’s not good to overestimate your ability. I’m different from back then, when I basically held unlimited confidence. I should get someone else’s opinion about this. I bet Big Sis is still munching on her meat buns in the living room, while lounging on the sofa. I bet she won’t be praising me directly, but hearing ‘Huh, so you’re heading out’ is pretty much all I’m asking for. If it looked that awful, she’d insult me anyway.

When I glanced inside the living room, I saw Big Sis laying on the sofa as expected. Despite her attending cram school, she sure doesn’t feel that way at all… She’d probably act the same way even if she wasn’t busy with her student council stuff.

“Big Sis.”

“Hm…?”

“……”

“……”

She closely inspected my clothes. How is it? Modern, right? I’m on the level of a weather caster looking flawless with a shit-eating grin, right? That’s it, I’m the monthly entertainment presenter. Now, say it! One, two—

“—Your legs are so short.”

Alright, time to retreat. That was cold as ice. Should have seen that one coming though. Asking for impressions from Big Sis was my fault. Thinking about it, she never once praised me about my coordination when it came to clothes. I can’t even see any interest of hers towards me. Because she didn’t insult me for a while, I completely forgot.

Back in middle school, there was a time when I couldn’t accept Big Sis’ attitude, and threw a complaint at her.

‘Then, what would look good on me!’

‘Chains.’

Are you some pro-wrestler? For a second, I thought she was joking, but she actually seemed pretty serious about that. Back then, Big Sis was hooked on wrestling and all that. She even used me as a training tool to try out her techniques…Mom, I might have grown a bit thanks to that. Not to mention that she cured my bent back.

“Haaa…”

I went back to my room, reevaluating my choices in clothing. Thinking about it, these sarouel pants would never look good on me. If anything, tall guys like Yamazaki and others of the basketball club would look much better. If someone with average height wore those, it’d just look lame instead. I should probably sell these at a second-hand clothes shop…Why did I buy them anyway…

“…Alright…”

Searching through my closet, I spotted something very familiar in the corner of my eye. I feel like I bought those ankle pants back in middle school with two months worth of my salary, and I had no idea of how valuable money was. It’s pretty much between formal and casual, and a safe choice. It made me feel secure with something of a charm. It’s easy to match up with a shirt as well, and I could even wear it on the way to work—

‘—Please, don’t make me quit…!’

“Urk…!?”

U-Uwaaaaaaah! That was Ichinose-san’s voice, who’s my classmate as well as a junior at my part-time job. She’s like a small animal that awakens your maternal instinct, which was even more emphasized when she prostrated herself in front of me. Just because of the word ‘work’, that scene pops up in my head like a flashback. My heart hurt, my chest tightened up…Why am I suffering like this?

That’s right, this isn’t the time to be getting excited about visiting Natsukawa’s place. What kind of face should I make when meeting Ichinose-san tomorrow…I need to think about that…Eh? Why am I even going to Natsukawa’s house right now…?

*

Beneath the scorching sun, I tried my best to stay in the shadows, as I made my way towards Natsukawa’s place. My guilt plaguing me was trying hard to force me into the sun, but thinking that I would be meeting Natsukawa’s little sister Airi-chan, I really didn’t want to reek of sweat.

“……”

Well, you know. Despite being clearly guilty, this feels like all my sins were forgiven and I was given a large sum of money just because. Are you really fine with this, God? An uncomfortable and cold sweat ran down my back, my mental health slowly deteriorating because of mysterious apologetic feelings. I know that what I did was wrong, and yet nobody is blaming me for it, which only made things worse. If anything, I was close to asking Natsukawa or Ashida, even Airi-chan for a slap to the face.

…No, calm down. Think about this rationally. That isn’t a punishment, but a reward—Wait no, not that. What kind of pervert am I, requesting a slap to the face from a classmate. It’ll just make my guilt grow if anything. Then again, talking about some shitty stuff with Yamazaki basically means I’m something of a pervert. On top of that, I’m not fragile enough to break down just because I’m being called a pervert. I’m really not…Not to mention that I was trained in my physical resistance thanks to Big Sis’ pro-wrestling moves. Am I actually…the strongest?

If that’s the case, then maybe I should have put on those sarouel pants from before. Act like I was a handsome guy despite my appearance being lame, but acting tough like a bastard to receive cold gazes from everyone, and get my punishment that way.

On my way, I walked past a supermarket I would rarely ever visit.

“…I should buy lots of sweets, yeah.”

Natsukawa is very kind, and Ashida won’t say anything that would truly hurt me. Since it’s come to that, I can only jump into the path riddled by thorns myself. Oh right, my wallet. Yeah, let me go all out. I’ll buy all sorts of sweets that I won’t have anything left over after, making me think ‘I shouldn’t have bought that’, yeah. It’ll be like buying a smartphone stand for 350 yen at a miscellaneous goods store and feel regret about it.

“Let me see…”

I walked towards the supermarket, and mixed in with the small children to pick out the sweets. What would be good sweets to make a small child happy…Maybe some chocolate in the shape of characters? But, would Natsukawa be angry if I bought ones that could give Airi-chan easy cavities? So maybe gum instead? It’s easy to bite, and doesn’t really cause cavities from what I heard. If anything, it has a lot of collagen inside of it, which seems to be good for the skin, so that probably would be a better choice?

Natsukawa definitely would be happy if Airi-chan kept her squishy cheeks. Maybe some HimoQ? I’ll buy that. Back in grade school, I always bought those when we went on a trip. I’m sure that she’ll be happy about that.

“…?”

…H-Huh? They’re not selling HimoQ? HimoQ is the ally of all little children, offered in pretty much every sweets store on this planet. And that not being sold, can that really happen? You’re forcing me to buy sour stuff right now! What if Natsukawa pulls on my ears because I made Airi-chan show a sour face! …Gulp.

“Um, excuse me, where are you keeping the gum sweets?”

“Huh…? Well, if they’re not here, then…”

The Onee-san employee showed me a ‘Why is a high school student buying sweets?’ expression. You’re not wrong, alright. Are they out of stock, maybe? Like a new gaming console, and scalpers are buying up everything to sell it for a much higher price later? That’s HimoQ for you. No seriously, do they not have any? Maybe they’re just on the back of some shelf? That reminds me, I haven’t seen it a lot as of late…Let me look it up online…Hi-Mo-Q…search…

“Eh?”

Hold on, it isn’t being produced anymore? That sure is a shock. I won’t be able to eat HimoQ anymore? Hello? Government?