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Knowing of those feelings

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The first time you realize and go “It’s fall, eh?” happens around the latter half of October. Not knowing this back in middle school during my first year had me going to school in my summer uniform and freezing my butt off as I just kept shaking like a lamb. The cold breeze tickled my body hair that stood on edge. Even the boy who’d head to elementary school mid-winter with short pants to play dodgeball would start realizing around then.

On a different note, being dragged around by Sasaki’s little sister Yuki-chan, only to be forced to give him genuine love advice was one hell of a day. Just what is wrong with those siblings, I swear. But today, I’m gonna enjoy myself.

“Oh, Sajou! Empty-handed, eh?”

“Because I don’t need anything, duh.”

“Must be nice being in the go-home club.”

“Shut yer trap.”

As a beautiful turn-around to the warm and comfy season, the winter uniforms carried a black color. Gazing at the whole school full of them, I entered the classroom, only to get a jab to my side instead of a regular greeting. I guess I was a bit too relaxed on my way because the clock hanging above the blackboard told me I got here pretty late. Then again, the cultural festival’s still in full bloom, so a few minutes aren’t going to ruin the experience. Though, it was pretty exciting to come to school without my school bag or anything else.

“Sup, sup.”

“Ah, Sajocchi. Wassup?”

“I just came to school…?”

“Good, good.”

“?”

1: Came to school.
2: Headed to my classroom.

Pretty sure that’s a standard routine for a student like me, so why’s she so dubious about it? But when I looked over at Ashida, leaning against the wall at the window side, she just nodded to herself like she accepted something. I feel like her words and gaze are sticking to me like glue or honey, and I don’t like it. What’s this? Did she learn the “Normie from a distance” skill while I wasn’t looking? One more step’s left and then she’ll have perfected it.

“…M-Morning.”

“Hm? Ah, yeah, morning…”

And going with the usual order, it didn’t take long for Natsukawa to look over at me, giving me a somewhat awkward greeting. As a result of that, I even started feeling insecure. Is this what I think it is? The typical “Don’t think we’re friends who talk normally” threat? Oh man, the window’s open, I might just jump out right now.

—Yeah, all jokes aside, I know how kind Natsukawa is. She’d never think something like that. It’s probably some girl problem like not feeling well, being tired, or anything along those lines. I’ll just pretend like I didn’t realize—because I…have tact and consideration!

“…”

“…Hm?”

W-Wait…was I off? I mean, it’s evident that she’s acting restless. Even the people around us should realize that. And yet, in my eyes, she looked graceful. Her gestures and movement overflowing with dignity made it seem like she would step on an invisible stage here inside the classroom…Wait, maybe something’s wrong with me instead?

“Where should we check first?”

“The stalls! Sweets!”

“First thing in the morning?”

“First thing in the morning!”

I grabbed the cultural festival’s pamphlet from my blazer’s back pocket and asked the two, when Ashida jumped up with a raised fist, voicing her desires. It seems like the ace of the basketball club has little to no concern regarding her weight. Despite being the same age, she just made me think “Ah, youth,” and I don’t know how I feel about that. Even a boy like me realized the gravity of this problem…Then again, it’s not part of my world since I’m in the go-home club.

“You good with that, Natsukawa?”

“Y-Yeah…”

“Oh. Now that I get a good look at ya, did you cut your hair?”

“What…? I didn’t, though.”

“You just randomly said that, didn’t you?” Grumbled Ashida behind us.

But of course, my Natsukawa sensors would never miss anything when it comes to her. I knew from the very start that she hadn’t cut her hair. That being said, I wouldn’t want to miss out on her charm just because my sensors had dulled…so I made sure. Then again, there’s no way my sensors would ever become dull, to begin with.

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“D-Do I look weird or something?”

“Actually…”

“Why are you searching for something now?” Ashida jumped in yet again.

Well…Because this is a legal chance for me to stare at Natsukawa! And I cannot let that go to waste! Lately, my eyes have been longing for a good look at her because we don’t sit in the same line of seats anymore. But of course, I’m still more than happy that I get to sit this close to her. Especially considering my past practices…God, gross.

I looked her in the eyes, as she stopped with her graceful mannerism and instead looked away as if she wanted to escape my gaze. It seems like she suffers severe damage by just looking into my eyes…Yeah, I should stop. I’m just gonna start crying.

“…Hm?”

“Huh?”

“Ah, no, it’s nothing.”

“Wait, what? Come on, now I’m curious…”

“No seriously, forget about it.”

I could pick up a faint radiance from Natsukawa’s lips. They looked glossier than usual. I guess she started using lip gloss. Just realizing this at a single glance is pretty gross already, but that’s why I can’t just say “Oh, you using lip gloss?” What if she responded with “Gross…!” in return…?!

“I…I don’t look weird, right?”

“Nope, not at all!”

“…”

“Okay, I’m sorry. Don’t worry, you’re as cute as always.”

“Geez, you…!”

After checking once with her folded mirror and then with Ashida’s assistance, Natsukawa then glared up at me. I guess trying to hide the truth was the wrong move to take there? But when I tried to salvage the situation with a bit of praise, she just complained and looked the other way. I must have sounded like some playboy…Well, I wasn’t lying, so whatever.

“Anyway, let’s go take a picture with our sweets in one hand. Will blow up, I just know it.”

“You’re gonna join?”

“You can just cover my eyes with a black bar.”

“You’re not a criminal.”

Amidst our group, Ashida’s the one who is really involved with social media. She has 90% of all the followers our classmates have amassed, and I’m not allowed to appear on her timeline. And to be honest, I always think it’s better to leave these sorts of pictures to girls alone. Boys got nothing to do there. So, I’ll let her handle the camera. You’re gonna point the camera up from your belly, right? I know that.

Since I already tried the crepe with Ichinose-san and Sasaki-san yesterday, I’m feeling some different sweetness today. Hm? Yuki-chan? I know no such person, sorry. And any sugary food is usually wrapped in paper, so maybe something in a cup would be better today. Though, I’d be fine with fried chicken, too. I’m not allowed on her timeline, after all.

“…”

“…What now?”

I ran my eyes through the pamphlet once more, when I realized that Ashida was still staring at me. Sometimes, she’s sending me this profound gaze that I sadly can’t decipher with my lack of ability.

“I was just thinking that you seemed pretty excited. Even though you probably had a blast with Ichinose-chan and the others just yesterday, feel me?”

“The heck? Doesn’t mean I can’t have fun today, right?”

“Ah, right…Yeah, true.”

“Hey, Key…”

“…?”

What is this about? Not only Ashida, now Natsukawa’s constantly looking at me…Maybe something’s wrong with me, after all? But, I’m pretty sure I checked my hair, both on my head and inside my nose. Always when I wash my face, too. Ah, I see. It’s my ugly face, right? Can’t do shit about that. When I touched my face to try and fix some parts like it was soft clay, I could hear a faint snickering voice.

“Hee hee…Don’t worry, it’s nothing.”

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“…Huh?”

Looking over, Natsukawa had one hand on her mouth as she faintly laughed. I guess my panicking over how I looked must have been a pretty funny sight. Must be her way of getting revenge…And now that I think about it, I was acting like an idiot. What good will this do anyway? I’m not gonna magically turn into a hottie. God, how embarrassing…I averted my gaze to cope with this flash of bashfulness when I heard a voice that completely pulled in all my attention.

‘…S-Saitou-san.’

“!”

Hearing a familiar voice from the noisy classroom made my body freeze up. Normally, I always resented the minutes I was forced to listen to that voice, but today, it kept me focused on it. It’s Sasaki, the rookie in love, and Saitou-san, who just confessed to him. The couple that was just one step from forming—If this was a manga, my ears probably would have grown three times the size just by hearing his voice. And could you blame me? But, I wouldn’t want to get scolded later, so I’ll just pretend I wasn’t looking—

‘Sasaki-kun…’

‘Do you…have time later today?’

Because everything was so brightly lit around us, it was hard to see exactly what was going on inside the classroom. However, staring at Natsukawa from a distance trained my eyes, allowing me to recreate the scenery inside my head…Damn it! If it wasn’t for Natsukawa’s dazzling profile next to me! She’s pulling in my gaze!

‘Yeah…I do. Always.’

‘Huh…?’

‘I can make time…whenever…’

‘S-Saitou-san…!’

But after listening for a while, I couldn’t keep looking for an entirely different reason. If I were to witness this scene directly, my eyes and chest might just burn up. If I had any candy or chocolate in my pocket, it would have melted away by now. That being said, Saitou-san probably couldn’t just turn away. To the people around them, it might look sweet and wholesome, but she was still waiting for the response to his confession, and I can imagine how stressful that may be. And to her, all of this must be as bitter as a burnt potato…What a horrible example. I think I’m just hungry.

That being said, I would be lying if I said I didn’t care how their relationship turned out. Normally, I wouldn’t give two cents about Sasaki’s romance and love life, but I kinda stuck my head right in there…Why did I even ramble on about that yesterday? Supporting Saitou-san’s love or not, it was the difference between being stabbed by Yuki-chan or getting trampled by a horse. Weird…Why is my life in danger because of their romance?

And I just know it was Sasaki who pulled me into this whole mess…Wait, doesn’t this mean I have the right to watch how their romance unfolds? Because if they start dating, then it was thanks to my words that Saitou-san managed to grasp hold of Sasaki’s heart! That’s right, I don’t have to listen in secrecy like this! I should just watch it with my own eyes to then tease them about it. Because I’ve still got a few pent-up feelings regarding Sasaki. So, come on, show the love master that I am your bristling youth—

‘Then…’

“Ah, my bad…Wait, why are you two standing around frozen like that?”

“…”

“…”

“…”

“Huh? Wait, why are you glaring at me now?! Why are you sighing?! And why is Natsukawa-san joining you?!”

All three of us instantly stared at Matsuda, who appeared in the line behind us. Sadly, this is where a lot of goods and other objects get stored…so it’s not his fault. In fact, we are to be blamed for loitering around here. Ashida stepped aside with a pale face as I’d never seen before, but…Matsuda, it’s an honor to receive Natsukawa’s stare.

“…?”

Wait a second…The way the two are acting almost feels like…they know about Sasaki and Saitou-san. Natsukawa might have seen something before she went home yesterday…Well, girls are quick to share information, so even if Sasaki didn’t tell anybody but I, Saitou-san might have spread the news. Though, she doesn’t look that loose-tongued…Heaven forbid.

*

“All right, move your faces closer!”

“Yeah…Ah, wait! Why are you crouching down?!”

“They said on TV that this position would reflect your style better…”

“Take a few steps back first!”

“You lewd monster, Sajocchi.”

We moved on to the center of the courtyard. Natsukawa and Ashida were stuffing their cheeks with crepe, so I attempted to take a picture of them while crouching down. However, Natsukawa angrily pulled her skirt down while complaining, and Ashida fired at me, too. Reflecting on my actions, I was no different than those creepy dudes taking sneaky pictures of cosplayers. That was close…My instincts were telling me to cross the line and peek under her skirt.

“K-Kei, this is embarrassing…”

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“Huh? But it’s hot, right?”

“That’s exactly why!”

The reason Natsukawa complained to Ashida now was also related to her skirt. Ashida attempted to make the picture blow up more by lifting their skirts a bit. Despite her initial complaint, Natsukawa eventually complied with a red face, making even me go “Wait, are you serious?” but I barely held myself back from saying it out loud. Sure, their bare legs were one hell of a sight, but seeing Natsukawa fidget awkwardly was far too destructive, I could never hope to win against my urges and turn around.

That being said, happiness was only half of what filled me at that moment. Bewilderment and hesitation being the other. Natsukawa isn’t so straightforward, and as a member of the opposite sex, being able to watch this from so close left me conflicted. That’s why I ignored my desires and decided to support Natsukawa.

“I don’t think you need a full-body one. Just snap a pic of your face with the crepe in front of you.”

“Oh, you think so?”

“I think that’d be better, yeah. Especially with how cute you are.”

“Wueh?! R-Really…?”

“Y-You’re saying nonsense like that again…”

Ashida seemed satisfied with my proposition, but Natsukawa threw another complaint at me as she turned around to fix her skirt. Knowing that her protection had risen to secure levels allowed me to sigh in relief. Ashida did the same, so I proceeded to prepare for the picture. I’ve been holding back way too much for a while now, so my heart is about to burst.

“Then let me get a bit closer.”

“Wha…?!”

Since there was no need to take a full-body picture, I moved toward them with my smartphone in hand. And I didn’t bother much with the angle either. If anything, the only thing I cared about was the balance of the background.

“W-Wait, Sajocchi…! Maybe we should take a quick break?”

“But your crepe’s gonna melt.”

“R-Right…”

“Come on, Natsukawa. Get those faces together.”

“Y-Yeah…Mmm!”

“Mmm…!”

They pressed their cheeks together, letting out bewitching sounds I could pick up from right next to them. It’s like I was listening to some feisty R18 ASMR. And as their cheeks were red, the crepe beginning to melt from the heat—I took the shot.

“Wait, you weren’t smiling in the…Oooh…!”

“…!”

I checked the masterpiece of a picture I had taken and was left baffled. At first, I was just thinking of taking a cute picture with not much mind behind it, but the picture I had taken turned out to be a masterpiece, showing the sweetness and sourness of youth in all its glory. I don’t know if it’s just my imagination, but I think the two of them were also staring at the picture in disbelief. From their poses, it may look like they were totally into it, but their expression showed clear embarrassment. The way they stared at the camera with all their might to hide their embarrassment showed a different vector of greatness. Leaving aside Natsukawa, seeing the normie Ashida this restless was what made it even better. If you were to print this and hang it up, it would deserve the name “A Kiss’s Determination.” It shows their mature expression as they were conscious of each other.

“This is gonna blow up…!”

““Delete it!””

“Waaah, my phone…!”

By the time I received the phone back, the picture I had taken was long gone. Since I really liked it, I asked for the reason why they decided to delete it, to which they both blushed and screamed “Because it’s bad!” Seriously, that’s no reason to get this angry. Though…having thousands of people see their faces online must be a scary thought, so I get it.

“Anyway, let’s all take a picture together! You join us, Sajocchi!”

“Huh? But I thought I was just in the way…”

“It’s fine! Get your butt over here!”

The cream of her crepe began to melt as she beckoned me over, still slightly bashful. Well, if this social media goddess Ashida says it’s fine, then I’ve got no reason to argue. Because of our differences in height and sex, I ended up standing behind them to not ruin the aesthetic. I pushed the phone forward and attempted to take a picture with my phone when Ashida quickly handed me hers. Don’t ask me why, the camera should be about the same in terms of quality. Ashida acted like my producer and told me to stuff my mouth with fried chicken, as the two of them moved closer together to take the same pose as before. Holding my hand diagonally up to the right, I managed to get all of us in frame…But, having these two so close sure makes me feel anxious. Ahhh, whatever!

“Ofay! Feef (Cheese)!”

“Pffft!”

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I took the picture with all my might, but when the girls heard me desperate to keep the fried chicken in my mouth, they burst out laughing. Okay, okay, I demand a redo!

“No redo!”

“Fwy (Why)?”

“Because I said so!”

First Ashida rejected my request, followed by Natsukawa, declaring my desire null without giving any proper reason. Even stole the phone from me before I could do anything…Um, Natsukawa-san? The way you’re shutting me down lately is beginning to sound like Airi-chan. Seeing them having fun is great and all, but Airi-chan won’t be happy. Whoops, the fried chicken in my mouth is making me drool. I chomped it down and saw that Ashida had sent the picture to our three-person group. Compared to the two of them giggling ahead, I looked almost desperate with my eyes shot wide open. And so lame, too…Oh well.

“…You sure about this?”

“Huh? Of course!”

“…All right.”

Leaving aside my pathetic appearance, the picture made it look like I was embracing them from behind. If this were to end up on social media, it’d probably cause a firestorm and cost Ashida a lot of followers. Then again, everything’s alright as long as this doesn’t end up online. And as I was busy with my food, my phone told me I received another message. Swiping on the screen, I saw another selfie of Natsukawa and Ashida. Ah, they took one while I was eating…Yeah, I prefer this one a lot more.

*

We finished munchy time and took all the pictures, when Natsukawa raised her hand to voice her desired destination. Seems like she had a clear goal in mind.

“Picture books?”

“Yeah. Handled by volunteers amongst the students. Kei told me.”

“Oh, huh. That’s not in the pamphlet.”

Only the higher-ups and leaders had the lists for all the attractions done by clubs and committees. And the stuff that really matters isn’t even on the pamphlet. This will probably cause trouble at next year’s cultural festival. Though it probably won’t have anything to do with me.

“The clubs get all jumbled together, after all. They should at least separate the stuff between cultural and sports attractions, you know.”

“Gotcha. I’ll let Big Sis know.”

“Wha…You better not! You better not, you hear me?!”

Oh? Maybe she’s just pretending…or so I thought, but she held onto my arm with pressure enough to make the veins inside it pop. Unlike her usual jesting manner, she seemed dead serious for once. Big Sis just exists and is feared as the most terrifying vice student council president…if she’s that scared of her, then shouldn’t she be a bit nicer to me? I’m her brother after all. After I somehow managed to break free from Ashida’s hold, Natsukawa came over and asked me, seeming somewhat reluctant.

“Can…we?”

“Sure, why not. What do you say, Ashida?”

“I’m fine with it.”

“I was just…thinking that maybe it wasn’t your thing.”

“…Huh? You talking to me?”

For some reason, Natsukawa went out of her way to check for my opinion. She even looked scared of my answer. But I had no idea why she would act this way, so all I could do was return the question. Why would she care? Granted, it’s not something I would go out of my way to check, but that doesn’t mean I will automatically find no fun with it. I get to witness Natsukawa picking out a picture book for Airi-chan, and since both Ashida and I liked Airi-chan, I wouldn’t mind picking out a present for her. That’s why I had no reason to decline, even if Natsukawa wasn’t a part of this.

But what surprised me is the attitude that Natsukawa has toward me. Like she’s trying to be considerate of my feelings…Well, it might not be that huge in comparison, but being entertained in this way is making my body feel itchy. I can’t tell if we’ve gotten closer or not… Glancing over at Ashida, she also looked at me, waiting for my response. Is this just normal? Normally, Ashida would be the one to act all like “No worries, just tag along!” but now she’s on a hot iron, too.

“You don’t have to worry about me. I’m interested in it, too.”

“O-Okay…Thanks.”

“R-Right.”

She seemed relieved as she smiled happily. The way she voiced her joy and gratitude left me bewildered. It’s not like I was just falling for her, but I could tell that my body temperature was rising. However, after I’ve caught these feelings two years ago, I’m not so naive to show my inner turmoil. I will let her take me along for the ride and enjoy it.

“Then…let’s go?”

“A-Aye.”

Me follow Natsukawa, yes.

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