Chapter 1 - A Low Risk Zero Cost Bank Robbery Plan

If he didn’t owe illegal moneylenders $2,000, Chen Dadong would never end up squatting near the entrance of a bank first thing in the morning with his accomplices and wait for their opportunity.

Anybody actually at a bank these days were either someone trying to withdraw money, or someone hoping to steal money. Chen Dadong and his accomplices were clearly the latter. A thief who dared to rob a bank was certainly not just some bored person out there. One had to have a minimum level of courage to carry this out. But of course, there was an exception to every case. Chen Dadong and his accomplices were waiting at the entrance to a bank, but none of them really had the guts to rob one.

For starters, proper bank robbers would have a mask that covered their face and carried guns. That was the least you had to have, otherwise you’d be too embarrassed to even walk into the bank. But Chen Dadong didn’t wear a mask and didn’t have a gun. He had two accomplices but they weren’t any better off. The only weapons they carried were a bunch of steel nails. These were hidden in their pant pockets and were meant to be their secret weapons.

One of the accomplices, Liu Ergou, asked curiously, “Brother Dong, why did we bring all these steel nails to the bank?”

Most superiors loved it when their subordinates asked questions, because the superior would be able to show off how intelligent he was through his answers. As the leader of this little band of criminals, Chen Dadong liked this feeling as well. He explained patiently, “These steel nails? We can use them to bust tires.”

Chen Dadong purposely gave an answer that wasn’t helpful so that his subordinate would still be confused and make the difference between their levels of intelligence seem even greater.

As Chen Dadong had expected, Liu Ergou didn’t understand the answer he had been given and walked straight into Chen Dadong’s trap by asking again, “Bust tires? Isn’t that the trick that car repair shops always use to get more sales? Why are we doing such low level business too?” He had been partners in crime with Chen Dadong for several years now and his level of intelligence had improved a tiny bit over the years. Immediately after he said that, he suddenly thought he got it and said, “Oh!! I get it! I get it now! A car repair shop has decided to outsource this part to us, so we’re in charge of busting tires while the shop replaces them, then we’ll split the profits! Right?”

Chen Dadong just chuckled and shook his head slowly like how a wise man like Zhuge Liang would. “If all we needed to do was to bust tires, we could have gone to some other place. Why would we need to come to the front of a bank? Can’t you see what we’re doing?”

Liu Ergou was too dumb to understand what his superior was driving at. Instead, the other accomplice got it, “Brother Dong, are you targeting the drivers who are here to withdraw money? We’re going to bust their tires, then steal their envelope of money when the driver gets out of the car to check on his tires?” The one who spoke was a man named Sun Peiqi. He was a large sized man, so everyone called him Fatty Sun.

Chen Dadong never knew Fatty Sun was this clever. He patted Fatty Sun on the shoulder as an acknowledgment of his intelligence, then added, “It’s just busting tires, but there’s a science to it. We can’t bust any tire randomly. We must only bust the front left wheel.”

Liu Ergou didn’t understand why and asked without thinking, “Why?”

Before Chen Dadong could respond, Fatty Sun answered for him, “You don’t get it? Most drivers would put their bags on the passenger seat on their right after withdrawing money. If you bust the right tire, how are we going to steal the money?”

Liu Ergou was instantly enlightened. Chen Dadong continued with his instructions, “We are aiming only for SUVs, not ordinary sedan cars.”

This confused Liu Ergou again. “Why only SUVs?”

Fatty Sun snatched the chance to answer again, “An SUV is a big car, so the driver’s view would be obstructed when he looks down to inspect his tires and it’ll be easier for us to steal the money.”

Liu Ergou’s confusion was instantly cleared up again.

Chen Dadong gave his final instruction, “Besides those two points, the most important thing is that we must choose a target where the driver is the only person in the car.”

Liu Ergou quickly seized the chance to prove his worth by patting his chest and interrupting Chen Dadong, “Brother Dong, perhaps I’ve been lying low for too long and you don’t know me well enough. I might seem a little slow in my thinking, but I’ve learned martial arts from Shaolin Temple from a young age. I can take on three or even five people in a fight without any problems, so there’s no need for us to be so careful and target only those who’ve come to the bank alone.”

Chen Dadong got upset and spat on the ground. “You seriously don’t know anything! If we steal from a driver who’s all alone, we’ll only be stealing. If there are other people in the car, we might end up fighting with them. Once we start fighting, this theft will become a robbery! Is the punishment for theft and robbery the same?!”

Liu Ergou admired his superior’s foresight. His superior had even considered what might happen to them in the future and made preparations for it. But at the same time, this started to worry Liu Ergou too.

Chen Dadong also felt that talking about being punished for his crimes was an inauspicious thing to say and it dampened morale as well. Just when he started regretting saying such things, Fatty Sun decided to help, “Ergou, Brother Dong’s words might not be nice to hear but he’s just being realistic. As criminals, our job carries a very high risk and gets high returns. But have you thought about why Brother Dong has brought us all the way to the entrance of a bank, yet all we’re doing is just busting car tires and not robbing the bank?”

Because he’s a coward, thought Liu Ergou. But he didn’t say it out loud.

Fatty Sun continued singing the praises of their superior proudly when he saw that Liu Ergou had no answer for him, “That’s because robbing a bank isn’t only risky, but it will cost us a lot to pull off! We’d need a gun, a getaway car, some technical skills and we’d even have to plan it out. I’m sure Brother Dong had already considered all these factors beforehand and finally came up with this low risk zero cost plan to bust tires and steal money from drivers. That’s how he’s going to lead us to prosperity!”

Chen Dadong felt his heart brim with pride when he heard these words, but his expression didn’t show it at all. Instead, he sighed and said in a low voice, “I didn’t want to rob a bank not just because it’s risky. The three of us aren’t the type who would be scared of taking risks. The main problem was that it was going to cost too much to pull off. Even a good prop gun costs more than $100 these days. It’s too expensive to rob a bank!”

Just as he was lamenting his situation, an SUV drove towards them slowly and stopped in front of the bank. The driver hopped out of the driver’s seat, locked the doors and walked into the bank.

Chen Dadong got extremely excited and assumed that the driver was definitely withdrawing money since he had brought an empty bag with him into the bank. He immediately gave orders, “Stop daydreaming! We’re going for him! Let’s go!”

Fatty Sun could think on his feet, so he quickly responded, “Brother Dong, leave the action to us. You can just stay and give us instructions!” Then he turned to say to Liu Ergou, “Ergou, go and bust his tires, I’ll hide at the back and wait for my chance.”

Liu Ergou was a little slow in reacting, but he wasn’t stupid. He immediately got upset as he thought, “You guys thought of this method of stealing and even made it sound like the best thing in the world. Now that we actually have to do it, you’re all just going to make me do all the work while you two wait at the back? Why should I be the one doing the dirty work? Besides, even though it’s not difficult to bust a tire, there’s nothing stopping you two from telling me to also steal the money after that. If I get caught red handed by the driver, you two might just run off! You want me to take on all the blame? You think I’m stupid?!”

But even though that was what Liu Ergou was thinking about, he couldn’t say it so directly, so he phrased it differently, “I’m a straightforward guy whose brain isn’t very flexible. Brother Dong, Fatty Sun is so much more intelligent, so I think it’s best that he does the tire busting.”

Chen Dadong agreed and decided on their roles, “Fatty Sun shall be in charge of busting the tire, Liu Ergou will be in charge of stealing the money. We’ll go with that.”

Liu Ergou was stunned by Chen Dadong’s decision, but by the time he realized what just happened and was about to try putting his words another way, Fatty Sun had already gone running towards the SUV with those steel nails in his hands.