Chapter 2 - Major Bank Robbery

Fatty Sun was a smart guy – he was supposed to bust the tires, but actually all he needed to do was to place the steel nails in front of the SUV’s front left wheel and the wheel would naturally burst once the driver drove the car over them.

Once Fatty Sun was done laying out the nails, he quickly returned to their hiding spot and left the rest to Liu Ergou. Perhaps it was because the bank was busy, but the driver of the SUV took a really long time to come out. Liu Ergou had nothing else to do, so he continued loitering around the SUV.

Just when he was about to complete his fifth round around the car, the driver finally came out from the bank. Everyone was delighted to see that the empty bag that the driver had brought in earlier now looked like it was full of stuff. They imagined that the bag must be filled to the brim with bills.

When a person held on to a lot of money, their every action and every expression would seem very careful. The driver seemed to be on high alert at all times. He pulled his cap down and used his scarf to cover his face, making him look like one of those lottery winners who were afraid of being recognized. He kept his head bowed and bent his body slightly at the waist as he walked swiftly back to his car.

Liu Ergou immediately perked up and quietly came close to the back of the SUV. He just had to wait until the driver started driving, burst his tire, then run to the right side of the SUV to steal the bag of money after the driver got out to take a look.

But to everyone’s surprise, after the driver started up the car, he reversed instead of driving forward. As a result, not only did he fail to drive over those nails that would have burst his tire, he also ended up knocking Liu Ergou over since Liu Ergou was waiting so close to the back of the car.

Thankfully, Liu Ergou had learned martial arts from Shaolin Temple when he was younger and had better agility than most. So even though he fell to the ground from being hit so suddenly, he managed to roll forwards and stand up immediately after that.

The passersby initially rushed towards the car when they saw that the car had knocked someone down, but to their surprise, the victim managed to get up quite easily. Their interest was quelled and they went their way. An old lady with plenty of experience in life shook her head as she walked away with a sigh. “Young man, you’ve missed your chance!”

She was right. Liu Ergou was so focused on his plan to bust the driver’s tires in order to rob the driver of his money that he had forgotten that he could have also tried scamming the driver out of his money by pretending to be hurt in a car accident like that.

Immediately after the driver realized he had knocked someone over, he started struggling internally about what to do when he saw that the victim managed to stand on his own. He blinked a few times and after weighing his pros and cons again, he finally decided not to run away from the situation. He got out of the car and walked to the back to check if the victim was all right.

Liu Ergou was furious and yelled at the driver, “Do you know how to drive or not?! Why would you reverse when you’re leaving? The exit is THAT way!”

The driver seemed to be in a great hurry and apologized profusely to Liu Ergou while pulling out $200 as he told Liu Ergou to get his injuries checked at the hospital.

Liu Ergou was delighted to be compensated for nothing but he also remembered that he had a job to do. But just when he was wondering how he should steal the money from the driver’s car, he noticed that Chen Dadong had come over personally, quietly went behind the driver and approached the front passenger seat of the SUV. Liu Ergou’s mind was always filled with means and ways to commit crimes, so he immediately understood that Chen Dadong needed his help. So, Liu Ergou instantly transformed himself into the cowherd Xiao’erlang* and distracted the driver by insisting that $200 wasn’t enough to cover his medical bills in order to stall for time.

Then again, Chen Dadong wasn’t the leader of the trio for nothing. He opened the door, grabbed the bag and shut the door so quickly, smoothly and quietly that by the time Liu Ergou raised his head to check on Chen Dadong’s progress, he had already run off with the bag of money.

Since Chen Dadong had gotten the money, Liu Ergou cheered inwardly and decided that he should quickly make his exit because he might slip up if he continued quarreling with this driver. He was about to find an excuse to leave when he suddenly heard an ear piercing siren coming from the bank.

At first he just found this sound familiar. After a few moments, he suddenly realized that it was the sound of the bank’s alarm. His expression faltered as he wondered if Chen Dadong’s act of stealing had been caught on the bank’s cameras and they had alerted the police to catch him.

But then again, Chen Dadong had stolen from someone outside the bank and not from within the bank. Why would the bank meddle in something like that?

Unfortunately, reality was often cruel. Just when Liu Ergou was hoping that it was a false alarm of sorts, at least seven or eight police cars came driving over from afar. The sheer number of police cars headed this way was enough for one to believe that the police were out to make sure they nabbed the robber.

Liu Ergou was feeling guilty and was getting very jittery now. He didn’t want to keep arguing with the driver anymore and turned to make his escape. But the driver stood in his way.

Liu Ergou stared at the driver for two seconds before losing his temper. His face turned white with anger and was about to use one of his martial arts moves to remove the obstruction in front of him when the other party suddenly pulled a gun out and hissed in frustration, “It wasn’t easy for me to rob a bank all by myself, you know?! I was about to get away, but I just had to run into a scammer like you! Fine! Get into the car with me! If the police catch hold of me, you’ll be my hostage.”

With that, the driver bundled Liu Ergou into the car, then quickly reversed the car and drove off before the police got to the bank.

As the SUV drove at high speed down the busy road, the driver suddenly started shouting hysterically, “Where’s the bag of money? Where’s my bag of money?! Look under your feet and see if it’s rolled under the seat!!”

TL notes:

*cowherd Xiao’erlang: an old folktale about a young cowherd that pretended to lead the enemy soldiers to the village when he was actually leading them to the trap that his side of the army had laid.